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ferna
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I think I might be depressed. I might take something to help me sleep tonight. I haven't been sleeping well at all and I feel so much like this thing took residence in my body, a baby monster with infinite eyes and sucking mouths. And it sucked me and sucked me and my body fed it, fed its eyes with my skin and its mouths with my blood. And then one day it was gone away, and the monster parasite left a hole deep in my stomach, in my womb, in my cunt. My skin is dry and my eyes are sunken. My heart strains and my throat grasps at itself.
If I weren't sure I'd get over this, refill my blood, smooth my skin, I would die. I would die of the pain, of the throwing up, of the lack of sleep. I can't make myself calm down, my body is in a whirl of anguish after losing its tender parasite.
I want to hate it, this hungry friend of mine. I want to want to kill it, to maim it, to cut it deep like it cuts me. But I don't know where it went. I don't know how to get it back. I fed it, it grew like a cancer inside me, and it left without warning.
And it doesn't burn anymore, it only feels dead. I only feel dead.
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070318
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