|
| |
this_is_what_i_am
|
|
|
CheapVodka
|
...I'm afraid
I'm short
I'm sad
I'm pathetic
I'm loud
I'm cute
I'm trapped
I'm stressed
I want some attention
I want someone to send me an email
I want someone to call my phone and tell me I'm special
I want out
I want a cookie
I want a cig
I want to be free
I want silentbob
I can't fear enough
I can't find my cigs
I can't hear the music
I can't feel my toes
I can't stop
I can't smile
I can't find anything to watch on TV
I can't sleep
I need something to drink
I need Angelina Jolie
I need a cig
I need to write something worth writing
I need some socks to put on my cold feet
I need to be stoned
I need to shoosh
I need a new hobbie
I fear freedom
I fear escape
I fear waking up and being happy
I fear waking up
I fear myself
I fear the dark
I fear other people
I fear being alone
I can be myself
I can always be depressed
I can take my meds and smile
I can just go away
I can write
I can never open my eyes
I can cry
I can kill myself and make it all go away
I will look for my cigz
I will never be happy
I will always be short
I will remain 5 years old in my head
I will keep trying to be creative
I will always be cute at least
I will never understand
I will never be whole
I found my cigz
I wrote a poem
I have a friend
I am almost there
I just think too much
I talk all the time
I hate my parents
I love my dog
|
011110
|
| |
... |
|
|
niki
|
this is what i am...
today anyway
|
011110
|
| |
... |
|
|
unhinged
|
so i think over the past few years i figured out at least some of what has_to_be. when i was a child, my father believed in negative reinforcement: "that was really good but...." and the but keeps plaguing me. of course there were the occasional moments of wow from him but he has always been pushing me my whole life to be the very best i could be that nothing ever seems good enough for me anymore. i couldn't except the albino's love/infatuation (whatever that might have been, i'm still not sure) because i thought he could do better and rationalized it with how impractical it would have been because we live a half an hour away and neither one of us drives. nothing is ever good enough including me and that is probably why i let people walk all over me all the time. i got so mad at chris because we had sex and haven't done anything since but it wasn't his fault i wasn't ready to have sex with someone i thought i cared about and i didn't realize that until it was too late. damn him for making that part of my life so difficult. damn him for turning sex into something i can't do when i'm sober or with someone i care about. goddamn him for what he made me. but this_is_what_i_am : a faulty human being who can't have relationships because i always think it's just use in the end. you either are using me or i'm not good enough for you.
|
011110
|
| |
... |
|
|
Aaron
|
just see my post under the word me
|
011111
|
| |
... |
|
|
yummyC
|
worn out boots
feathers
touchable bubbles
broken promises
a phone cord
and whispers.
|
011112
|
| |
... |
|
|
nah....!
|
a_mess_without_you
|
011113
|
| |
... |
|
|
silentbob
|
if thats ok let it be
if not please do the same
|
011113
|
| |
... |
|
|
Becky
|
I never really know what I am. I'm nuts in every possible form of that word. I can't make sense of anything anyone says to me. I get panic attacks. I hurt myself.... on purpose. I'm not who you think I am.
|
011113
|
| |
... |
|
|
Casey
|
I can't really change that, so I might as well be happy and live with it. And fuck anyone who puts me down
|
011119
|
| |
... |
|
|
god
|
vegetable_man
|
011203
|
| |
... |
|
|
carne de metal
|
100% carne de metal
|
020213
|
| |
... |
|
|
Arwyn
|
and I need you to accept that. I will change as time goes on, but that's only gradual and i guess it's called "maturity"
|
020213
|
| |
... |
|
|
yummychuckle
|
now?
brand new boots--"fuck me boots" as carlos calls them, not that it means anything to you.
jitters and memories
crisp dollar bills
dirty green feathers
melting soap suds
and anticipation
|
020213
|
| |
... |
|
|
phil
|
sometimes
|
020512
|
| |
... |
|
|
hweyu now!
|
drukn
|
020512
|
| |
... |
|
|
celestias shadow
|
so fucking confused
|
031130
|
| |
... |
|
|
u24
|
i am howard
I think that's all I'll ever be forever
right now
i am worried
i am bored
i am sinking
i am tired
i am stressed
i am waiting
i am.
|
040428
|
| |
... |
|
|
pete
|
slowly preparing to shower and then finish the chore of packing and procede to move out of this place which has been my home for the last 8 months. i am moving, the second time in my remebering life, this time to live alone. i can't go back to my parents, that would not be far on anyone. this is what i am: struggling with the posioned concept of freedom.
|
040428
|
| |
... |
|
|
Mahayana
|
+entirely scared
+falling
+depressed
+longing
+pounding violently in heart
+soul in violent pounding
+transparent
+lonely
+self-hating
+nothing
+no-one
+invisible
+rusted through and through
+everything ive seen and read
+annoying with my repetitive questions
+holding my breathe for 25 days
+sick of my past
+scared of my future
+unable to concentrate in the now
+needing a hug
+needing to be held
+needing to be reassured
+caught in brambles
+tied-up in thorns
+released in marshes
+cursed with a gift
+cursed with images
+cursed with questions that plague
+needing to run
+wanting to disappear inside
+lost to the will to be
+the truth
+the reason
+your future
|
040428
|
| |
... |
|
|
secret4185
|
lonely
tired
trapped inside this house
trapped inside my head
on the outside...
I'm helping
I'm smiling
I serve you cheerfully
I guess I'm an actress too
|
040715
|
| |
... |
|
|
Deomis
|
I'm human
You are too
But you don't like to face that fact
And I get scared
I become tired
And I can't make everything better
But I can make my friends smile
And I can brighten my little world
I'll stand up to the monsters
Even when I'm as scared as you
And I won't give up
Even when I want to
Because you're counting on me
And I won't let you down
So despite my imperfections
And my annoying quirks
Maybe you'll let your guard down
And realise that being human is ok
Because it is what we all are
And
This is what I am.
will shut up, now that she has been an idiot.
|
040715
|
| |
... |
|
|
magicforest
|
i
am
me.
see: eyedream
|
040715
|
| |
... |
|
|
nonlucid
|
(what i am) vs (who i am)
|
040716
|
| |
... |
|
|
psa
|
I am
am the one refusing to be victimize
am the one refusing self-pity
am the one that stands on the corner
and look at the stars
while you think of portfolio and minivans
and you contemplate suicide
because you are
in debt
in an empty relationship
and with a blackbook full of empty friends
that you meet for lo-cal food and lite beer
and pretend
SO: I am
am the one that laught at the irony
am the one that Fate embraces because she can
am the one howling at the moon
Why?
Just because I can
|
050308
|
| |
... |
|
|
blown cherry
|
the shitter version of Gwynneth's life in Sliding Doors, the half where she has to go through all this crap with that jerk off of a bf before she gets control of her own life back.
sheds her skin
|
050309
|
| |
... |
|
|
|
how are things going now Pete?
|
050309
|
| |
... |
|
|
|
i like that..refusing to be victimized
|
050309
|
| |
... |
|
|
Traveller
|
a fire
left burning when you have retired
a song
left singing in the heavens
a tear
left sliding down your cheek
a kindred
smile grasping for your hand
a beast
wanting only your body
a nail
through my hands
a man
asking for everything
a freedom
and still enslaved to you.
|
081109
|
| |
... |
|
|
In_Bloom
|
Not benevolent
Not altruistic
Not patient
I will give you everything
But I'll ask for them too
Maybe not the things you expect
Maybe things you tell me a man can't do
|
081109
|
| |
... |
|
|
auburn
|
and I want you to love me.
|
081109
|
| |
... |
|
|
Traveller
|
let the voice you sing in be free,
grab your voice like a thought of "Hell Yes!",
sing to me
sing to us
sing, sing, sing.....
and don't stop singing to me
to the heart that is before your voice.
|
081206
|
| |
... |
|
|
ambermoon
|
and thats all i can be
|
090426
|
| |
... |
|
|
In_Bloom
|
I'm still not sorry
|
090701
|
| |
... |
|
|
Jurisprudence
|
This is what I am
I'm not sorry to ask you
For everything
|
091103
|
| |
... |
|
|
Traveller
|
I am my own cautious anger.
a speck of leaning onto and into the stains of the grain.
this_how_i_am
.
|
130131
|
| |
... |
|
|
invisible
|
and i will always be much less interesting than google thinks i should be
|
130201
|
| |
... |
|
|
past
|
funny, since that move nine years ago I've moved about seven or eight times (depending how you count them). i've lived in a house a handful of others, in apartments with single roommate, alone, with inlaws, and with a partner. each has its advantages, disadvantages.
where, with whom, and how you live at home are all important, but not necessarily defining factors in what i am. though, i'd argue, what i am helps guide the choices that resulted in my current lifestyle, apartment, and living companion.
|
130201
|
