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this_is_my_suicide_note
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dafremen
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I've decided to kill myself.
I wish it were a simple thing. I wish I had the balls to put a gun to my head and pull the trigger. I wish that I weren't pissing my pants afraid of shitting my pants as I swing from the rafters of this dingy apartment. And my stomach's too weak to take pills or poisons without throwing up; my head too delicate and prone to ache to gas myself to death. My will to survive too strong to plunge from a bridge or a building, my understanding of the gravity of the situation would no doubt overcome my will to not be here anymore. I'm too conditioned to obey to pull the orange safety plug from a cap gun and taunt a cop. I'd barrel my car headlong into a bridge abutment, but I'd no doubt have my seat belt on, and besides the airbags would ensure that I stuck around.
But I'm going to kill myself, and there's nothing that society can or would do to stop me. See, my plan is so brilliant it's devious. My method so subtle it's practically imperceptible. There is no stopping my final act of choice; my quest for wanton self destruction..the final resolution of this desire to escape the cold, cruel realities of this pointless existence.
So today I give up my diet of vegetables, juice and water. Today I buy the biggest, fattest steak I can find. Today I buy a twelve pack and a fifth. Today I will put on my work clothes, cinching my double-windsored tie around my neck like a noose to restrict the blood flow to my brain. Today I climb in the shiny, wheeled metal coffin I keep in the garage and face the 2 hour commute to the dull meaningless circles of my daily grind. I'll wait with a sinister sense of relief for my supervisor to walk into the cubicle to berate me or pile more onto my plate than I can or want to handle. Then I'll sit around watching the clock slowly count out the moments remaining til I am dead. I'll climb back into my car and face the road rage of ten thousand like me, get back home and plop down in my La-Z-Boy, remote in hand, hoping that the stress and the shitty fat-filled, sugar-laden diet of my conditioning will finally do me in before the misery of it sends me running to the corner pharmacy for relief.
But I won't stop there. On my way out and in the doors, along the highway with the windows rolled down, I'll breathe deeply..deep and deeper still until the smog choked skies plant the seeds of my destruction somewhere far down inside of my lungs or perhaps in my blood stream..and if I'm lucky, there will begin to grow within me, the festering bullet of hope that may one day set me free. I'll keep my cell phone pressed to my head (is there a way to turn the power up even more, I wonder?) for 6, 8, 10 hours a day until I feel some golf ball-sized savior pressed up against the inside of my skull, mashing my brain into an even more finely pureed mush than it already is. I'll turn on my microwave and my TV set and my CB radio and my kids walkie-talkies all at once, slather my skin in lotions and soaps laced with polyquaternium poisons and hope that the low level radiation and chemical marination will one day bore cancerous holes throughout my weary frame.
And I'll shut the windows to blot out the sky and the trees and the grass and the birds, so that no glimmer of hope will even THINK to find its way into my heart. For I don't want to live anymore, just survive out of habit for as long as my brainwashed automated nature will force me to.
Today I put my plan into action. To day I begin the slow but sure process that will finally bring me to rest in that sweet, sweet hole in the ground which my neglected spirit craves. Today, I kill myself.
Today I rejoin society.
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081011
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In_Bloom
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The morning I look around and think the world is pure shite
The day I settle for what turns my stomach
The night I lay down in arms that despise...
You'll find a suicide note
Then
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081011
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dafremen
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I couldn't go through with it.
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081012
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*Amy*
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I didn`t want to live, but some time ago I decided to do it the best way I could because this is what we have. I swear I really tried but I feel so much worse than before. Life rejects me
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081012
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youll never know
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goodbye
cruel
world
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081014
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Lemon_Soda
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Somebody somewhere died? OH No!
Wait...that literally happens every second of every day...
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081014
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another steer reaches 40
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Another day another death. 450,000 a year from heart disease alone..
You know, I'm beginning to think that corporate America is fine tuning death..sickening the population as early as they can, then keeping us alive just long enough to suck first, every available drop of labor out of us, then every dollar out of us that we've managed to tuck away...if any.
Here's to safety, security and long life! Hip Hip Hooray!
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081014
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z
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a duo referencing blondie, tom tom club, elastica and a bit of stereo total. i like them. webster hall 11.1.8. i might go.
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081014
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z
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oops. sorry, that was supposed to be at the_ting_tings
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081014
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dafremen
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It could very well be your_suicide_note as well.. : )
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081014
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z (on the way out)
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"i might go"
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081015
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LEMON SODA RESPONDING
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CHECK
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081110
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