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unhinged
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even the sleeping_pills of natural (?) melatonin don't work
my body stops for an hour or two and then i am pulled back to awakeness. over and over, all night long. i get the funny feeling i don't often make it to my dreams. i_wonder if that's because they show me things i'm not ready to see.
when i was young i used to have awesome vivid dreams. sometimes scary, sometimes not. then i started applying for college. for over ten years now, dreams are few and far between.
once again, i'm back to that place where enough time has passed that the stupid mean shit you've said and done has sufficiently faded into the background, so that when i see your number flash on my phone, i answer. i miss you. i can't help it. besides, i was sitting at the end of the bar alone, feeling unwanted. it was the beginning downward arc of a circle we've drawn together many times already; we chat about our lives as if nothing happened. but, you brought up some things that i did that pissed you off, some hot pregnant chick in one of your classes, seeing my ex before you on the bus twice in one day. i offer up some non_response until i have nothing to really say. you have always had a knack for seeing the end of things:
'well, why don't you call me when you can sit and have a beer with me and things can be normal?'
mumbles 'yeah ok.' and i hang up.
normal? funny. don't count on that phone call anytime soon.
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100913
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