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perfectly_chaotic
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Hmmmm.... Ummmm....Uhhh....Ahhhh....
Scared to speak or to write....
Of happiness when it arrives....Afraid i am attached to loneliness....
So I will not speak of my happiness.... But it seems I can....
Or shall I wallow in my own shit????
Afraid I just don't know quite yet....
Yet I now write so I am afraid this does not scare me....
I am afraid of not being afraid.... The panic is settles in as quickly as it flees in panic of my face....
The face which I am afraid must be ugly since when I look at it my fear turns its tail running....
I've scared some fears away, but some of them come back with re-inforcements....
I am afraid I will throw everything away, but that means my fears would be in the trash....
Unlike the dead plants and discarded food upon paper plates which used to decorate my home like candy dishes and living cacti I am afraid....
Or wait I am afraid i was wrong, those plants are long gone.... I am afraid I will continue to be wrong, but that is okay because there are bigger fears to fry....
I am afraid because I am not afraid of incarceration and am afraid i should be....
I am afraid that I will get get my freedom, use it and discard it again....
I am afraid I that i am really just afraid of dying without ever having lived....
I suppose I ought to be afraid that all of my fears are really just my fear of my impending death....
I am afraid my other fears are just another distraction from that reality....
I am afraid I can now admit that I do not need alcohol to hide from my fear of rejection because I don't need anyone else to live in fear, yet somehow I am afraid to let you know who I am....
I am afraid I don't know who i am....
I am afraid I do not need alcohol to hide from my fear of death....
My fears are enough of a cloud that I could hide from my fear of death like a shadow from the sun until I finally face that final fear....
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