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unhinged
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she sat at the dining room table avoiding the moonlight that came in the window listening to the ocean crash. he had left weeks ago. she held the crumpled twenty dollar bill in her left fist. she stared at the white envelope leaned up against the vase. it was time to go home. she would never find herself.
"rilla, what are you doing up?" she jumped at the small voice. it was cowie. she was rubbing her sleepy eyes, dragging her blankie behind her. amarilla picked up the envelope and handed it to cowie.
"could you give this to your mommie for me when you wake up tomorrow?" cowie nodded. "let's put you back to sleep." amarilla picked her up and held her, walked down the hall, tucked her in bed. 'night sweet cowie.' she kissed her on the forehead and cowie wrapped her arms around her throat. it was so easy to hold small children.
........
it loomed in front of her. she was finally back but her feet couldn't go forward. yes, she had lived here for years. she saw her mother walk past the front room window. she stood across the street afraid to stand on her own doorstep. they would be mad. they would question. they would scream and yell. her mother looked out the window and saw her standing there. soon she was bombarded with tears and questions and hugs and she was back in the house.
.........
dear mrs. nereid---
i know you tried to help me. i know you wanted to help me. your children are beautiful. i love you all, but i think it is time for me to go home. i know these words aren't enough for me leaving in the middle of the night. i am sorry.
amarilla
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020305
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