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necessary consequence
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we took Shorty for a walk today. it was pleasant out, cloudy, but warm. you live down the street from what used to be the projects, now just empty fields with trash and sidewalks. that's the point that you always let her off her leash, so she can go tearing around like a crackhead and get rid of some of that energy.
today she wouldn't listen when you kept yelling for her to come to you, and it made you angry. where do you hide all that rage? i'm more frightened of you now than i was when you hurt me. you love that dog more than you'll ever love anything else in the world, 20 times more than you'll ever love me. and when she finally came to you, you grabbed her by the head and yelled while i stood with my jaw hanging open and just stared. you yelled at her like you yelled at me last night, and when you were done, you threw her aside violently. she yelped so loudly, and i felt like such an asshole. i love that dog too, and i should've said something. i felt like a mother who stands by and watches her children get beaten because she's too afraid. i felt weak for that.
and then she pissed you off again because she wouldn't come near you. she was afraid, you bastard. when she finally did come to you, she was cowering and scared. and she's a pit bull, not some little terrier or something.
i wonder if you noticed that i stayed just out of your reach on the walk back home.
i wondered if you associated my leaving to 'do other things' with the fact that i was a little scared to be near you.
and then i felt like an asshole for leaving the dog with you when you were still pissed.
what a little coward i am.
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020402
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