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that_smile
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xelad
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Driving down a busy street, I looked across to the opposite lane at the face of another driver coming towards me- Something that never happens. I only spy on faces behind me when I'm bored at a stoplight.
The driver was laughing and I knew immediately it was him. Nearly 30 years later, and the energy of his smile is exactly the same.
For an instant, his joy was my joy. Then I was bewildered. Then I wasn't sure- Was it really him? I looked back at the car.
Sporty white car with a giant spoiler. Oh- it was definitely him. Though I would have expected a more dignified car at his age.
My teenager sat next to me in the passenger seat. Do I tell them? Yeah, we have that kind of relationship. I tell them. They don't react much. They're used to me. Old enough to realize I haven't always been with their dad.
I thought as I have countless times before that I wish we could be friends, that I hope he's happy, that I bet he is an amazing dad.
And I remembered once again the last time we crossed paths, where he did a crazy sideways dance trying to disappear in plain sight, while his companion and I exchanged incredulous looks.
As a person who has a toxic ex that they avoid at all costs, I can understand that I'm that person for him. He wasn't perfect and I'm not responsible for the mistakes he made when we were together, but if we were keeping a tally, I by far made the most mistakes. So much cringe worthy behavior and one deeply harmful mistake. (More than one, probably, but one epic one)
But that for those unexpected few seconds, I got to see him smile, and he didn't have to know I was watching, which seems sadly sweet. I hope he is adored and cherished in the way he deserves.
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241221
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xelad
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Driving down a busy street, I looked across to the opposite lane at the face of another driver coming towards me- Something that never happens. I only spy on faces behind me when I'm bored at a stoplight.
The driver was laughing and I knew immediately it was him. Nearly 30 years later, and the energy of his smile is exactly the same.
For an instant, his joy was my joy. Then I was bewildered. Then I wasn't sure- Was it really him? I looked back at the car.
Sporty white car with a giant spoiler. Oh- it was definitely him. Though I would have expected a more dignified car at his age.
My teenager sat next to me in the passenger seat. Do I tell them? Yeah, we have that kind of relationship. I tell them. They don't react much. They're used to me. Old enough to realize I haven't always been with their dad.
I thought as I have countless times before that I wish we could be friends, that I hope he's happy, that I bet he is an amazing dad.
And I remembered once again the last time we crossed paths, where he did a crazy sideways dance trying to disappear in plain sight, while his companion and I exchanged incredulous looks.
As a person who has a toxic ex that they avoid at all costs, I can understand that I'm that person for him. He wasn't perfect and I'm not responsible for the mistakes he made when we were together, but if we were keeping a tally, I by far made the most mistakes. So much cringe worthy behavior and one deeply harmful mistake. (More than one, probably, but one epic one)
But that for those unexpected few seconds, I got to see him smile, and he didn't have to know I was watching, which seems sadly sweet. I hope he is adored and cherished in the way he deserves.
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241221
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