blather
swimmy_melty_brain
daxle So my pattern of going to sleep and waking up later and later continues. My heart is all fluttery and I can't seem to sleep. Sedatives and bourbon... I just burn right through it. So I'm sitting here in darkness with my fingers that have memorized these keys and it occurs to me- what would make me feel? stories about animals (particularly cats) being tortured have always made me feel particularly wretched and invariably bring tears to my eyes. so it occurs to me to do a search for such stories. i have a metacognitive internet moment. i think of how odd it would seem out of context. you know, when you write some sort of a weblog and you have the ability to make anything that happens to you seem absurd? it's funny because i think in that mode a lot and yet have no regular internet expose arrangement. even blather has kept me quiet because of all my watchers... and the judgement.
the gist is that i read a few stories and they didn't stick. i seem to be numb, uncomfortably. you'd think my apathy could be broken by my recognition and dislike of it. but following in suit, the way that it bothers me is vague and fleeting- not enough to cause action. 		040814
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pd but swimmy melty brain doesn't fit the bill...more like still, vacant one...at leas tthats how i feel, like everything inside my head is frozen to the sides of my skull, leaving a grey white twilight in the centre where there is nothing, really...just dust motes floating idly...my detachedness is beginning to show. 040815
what's it to you? blather
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