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superiority_complex
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shell game
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It is so obvious, but if you were ever asked about it, you would deny it. But every now and then you say something, do something, which revels that it is still there.
Why do you still need to feel better than me? Our friendship should be way past that by now. Now theres a feeling that I can't trust you. That I should be guarded.
And in a way it kind of feels like I deserve it. This is how I made her feel I guess.
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041001
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god
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oh yeh, like i think i'm god or something.
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041001
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shell game
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And you've managed to do it again. From the other side of the world, via email.
Is it really there, or am I just so used to it I imagine it in everything you say?
I know you don't realise you do it. I think it must be some integral part of your personality now, this need to put me down.
I wish I could find a way to shatter whatever image it is you have of me. A way to make you stop doing it. Or does the fact that I can't work out how to shatter the image make it true?
Is the fact that it bothers me so much what keeps it in place?
It makes me not want to see you, when you get back. And that is sad. Because I know when you finally do arrive, on that special day, I will only be pretending to be happy.
A friend shouldn't make me feel like this.
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050626
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Syrope
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i know. jeez
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050626
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misnomer
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*pats self down in hunt for hidden mike*
and blather begins to listen in on conversations that even i'm blanking out.
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050626
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unhinged
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is only over_compensation for a small penis
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050626
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Letterman
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Dave Letterman: HE HEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
God the underlying truth of that statement is killing me and my gapped tooth, absurdly coifed and graying over compensated ego.
Heeee!
Where's mtheme music Paul?
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050627
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shell game
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how do you manage to do it even while you are asking for help?
Is it the suggestion that we could "crack in a night" the knowledge that i leant from a degree which took me 7 years?
Or is the the complete and total lack of understanding of what I actually do at work?
Your refusal to believe that I am not a programmer seems to be symptomatic of your refusal to acknowledge that I could be anything other that the lowly person you believe me to be.
Do you understand that I was a consultant in a suit working with government departments and banks while you were still tending a bar??
"borrow any books from work you think might help" Why the fuck would my work have books which might help with this? It has NOTHING to do with it.
"a friend in need’s a friend indeed" right... thanks for reminding me. Except that you don't actually need me and i'm not sure we are actually friends.
And you only answered the question i send you a few weeks ago because you wanted to ask me this favour. That is shit. You wouldn't know if i was in need, because you can't hear me.
It would somehow work out that you were doing me the favour in the end, i know. Simply by gracing me with your presence, consenting to let me help you.
I don't think i can help you. I don't think i want to.
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060717
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shell game
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*learnt
*sent
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060717
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shell game
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Is this the request for friendship i have been waiting/hoping for, disguised the only way you can?
Do you have to wrap your vulnerability (i know you have no friends) in superiority to protect yourself from the truth of it?
I guess the possibility that this is the case is the reason i put up with it.
Because i decided to keep you as a friend, even though you don't even have the capacity to make a decision like that.
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060717
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shell game
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I know this is my problem, not yours.
But how can you ask me for a favour immediately after you refuse mine?
How could you refuse mine in the first place?
Why did you refer to my thesis as 'an assignment'? Was that an intentional downgrading of my work, or is that just instinctively how you see me?
I know I'm supposed to be kind and supportive and forgiving right now, because you are having a hard time. But I'm having a hard time too. And you seem to give nothing.
I wonder if there will ever come a time when you respect me
This really should be called 'inferiority complex'. Mine. And the question really is, what will it take for me to respect myself enough not to care what you think?
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070916
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shell game
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"I'm not a child."
Well, I hate to say it, but stop acting like one.
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071002
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PISS off
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why?
why tell someone how they should or shouldn't be, if someone is acting like a child maybe they are just remembering the joy of being a child.
"GROW UP!"
WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I, BECAUSE YOU TELL ME TO !
(i wasn't talking to you, i was talking to myself, it's none of your business)
i never screamed in your face DO YOU HAVE A CIGARETTE! If i wanted something i would ask nicely whether i am a child or not, i was taught how to be a decent child not an annoying one. And i didn't smoke cigarettes when i was a child nor alcohol, funny how i seemed to have more fun without.
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071003
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pete
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Lake Superior really thinks its all that.
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071003
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VELO Jen
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A big ups to "PISS OFF"! Way to go, dude.
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091116
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