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strange_mood
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no reason
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my mom asked me if i was okay
she thought it seemed like i was in a strange mood
i didn't really realize, but i guess i was/am
drained of something
i've been longing for things
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071211
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fuffle
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Mums will always worry, just tell her that your umm.. just wondering how you got here and that ummm...
you want to make plastic flowers for a living,.. if she says NO then have a huge tantrum and make another lie up, don't worry, she'll soon book you a nurse ninga women to come and see you every week. don't let her lie to you though what ever happens, she might pretend to be Shakespeare!
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071211
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unhinged
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he decided to go home because of the snow; i didn't really want him driving all over town in this weather anyway.
but it's been too long since i made him dinner, spent the evening with him, the guy that makes me forget to be sad.
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071211
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Syrope
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day 2 of the sugar pills, and i'm not bleeding, but i can tell that the hormones are different.
1, because when a coworker joked that since it was so hot in the office, i probably wasn't coming in today, right? i didn't want to laugh...i wanted to snap "i don't think it's any of your goddamn business when or why i work from wherever the hell i work from?" ...which would have made the poor thing cry.
2, because i ate a half a jar of nutella, a bag of potato chips, two pieces of pizza, and a glass of wine for dinner. and a bowl of frosted flakes. lately my meals have been about 1/5 the size and unhealthiness of that spread. i didn't know i still had it in me to shamelessly devour that much -crap- in one sitting
and 3, sitting in the bathtub reading a book of other people's love letters, i start bawling and realize that if i hadn't been so SMUG in thinking "oh, i've been in love before, so i'm safe...i don't have to be guarded. i can feel every feeling with complete abandon" that i wouldn't be in this situation. i was so wrong. i had no idea what love was. not then, i didn't. and now it's too late.
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071212
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minnesota_chris
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I want to go on a gun rampage, to rid the world of a few systemic evils. I want this almost every day. This bothers me, as I am a big believer in human rights, and a pacifist.
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071213
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pete
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i blame the wine. and the beer. and the whiskey. and, most of all, the cookies.
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071213
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jane
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existential_crisis
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071213
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unhinged
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she grabbed me around the waist and pulled me in to tell me how wonderful she thought i was. she told me i smelled like vanilla and i wanted to kiss her.
i don't think it was just the weed and whiskey. but i am cautiously skeptical.
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071213
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unhinged
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(she didn't mean it the way i wanted her to; she has a boyfriend like they always do. he was out of town that night)
an unnatural winter thaw in early january
thunderstorms
fog
no sunshine for days
i like to blame this oppressive loneliness
on the weather
it makes it almost bearable
somehow
(but then better weather comes along and i still feel like shit and suddenly my well crafted delusion is smacking me in the face)
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080108
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minnesota_chris
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last night I dreamed I was paralyzed, or nearly so: I could only move with intense effort, and my motions were stilted and weak.
kinda like the rest of my life
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080108
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me
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i want to kill my supervisor
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080108
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margaux
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(i know how you feel)
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080108
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