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stepping_out_of_your_self
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hsg
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karmic_laundry that thing underneath what you care about what_other_people_think
you_are_not_your_mask
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100802
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... |
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Doar
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hmm....
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100802
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... |
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unhinged
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shedding conflicting_feelings
peeled back to pure light
making the mean small ones squirm
in the presence of vastness
i am infinitely patient when considering all angles of a situation. if my feelings won't help the other person, i try not to put my feelings on them.
non_aggression
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100802
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... |
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h|s|
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...michelangelo_buonarroti:
genius_is_eternal_patience
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100802
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... |
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Ouroboros
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I kept enough awareness last night, after being rejected by a new lover, to observe myself and the sensations of dissociating, something I have done since I was a child. Feeling really large/really tiny, feeling like i was sitting in a huge room, alone (although my boyfriend was touching me). Floaty, and pleasurable, like lucid_dreaming, but then I had to come back to my body and all those sad emotions
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100916
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... |
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unhinged
|
the funeral almost made me slip back into forgiving you; i've never really cared how you made me feel as long as i was helping you be the best version of yourself.
even a lampshade soaks up some of the light.
but shit dude, if i stay stuck on this goddamn wheel. it is more than evident that no matter what i do you will cut_and_run. but then i get lonely and let you back in.
it has gotten so ghetto, that even though i know the food stamps were an excuse, i need food and i'm short on cash and tired of having a mother hubbard cupboard.
is a month's worth of groceries worth feeling like absolute desperate shit?
(as long as there is debt between us, you will have an excuse to contact me)
aaaaaaahhhhhh
part of me has let_go of you recently
part of me will never let_go
and when i try to tell you that
all you have to say is
my feelings are overwhelming to you
for almost two months
(wow)
two months
i have thought about this
and the only decent answer i can come up with is:
i deserve better
but that doesn't change how i love you
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100916
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... |
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unhinged
|
photographic_memory
wept
for about a year
i couldn't meditate
because of the things that happened
how i disconnected from my body
and meditation brought me back to it
that horrible bullshit
and tears spilled out
for a year
i couldn't sit without crying because
'when you're by yourself
there's no one left to lie to'
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100916
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