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sort_of_and_exactly
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dalex
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I used to think that my tendency to form strong and definitive opinions was a sign of bravery, and that your ability to see gray was an endearing weakness,
Neither of us loved our situation, and we both saw each other as a path through and away. Pretty standard.
I've grown up enough to see the gray now, but also what rings true with or without the haze of emotion. I spend a lot of time thinking about how to act skillfully according to my understanding. I don't have it all figured out yet, and I never will, but striving is worthwhile.
I'm appreciative of the unconditional love and devotion you offered me, but also for the boundaries you drew when you ended our relationship.
We both needed it to end.
I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you, or where I'd be if I didn't lose you. Thank you.
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160707
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exdle
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Been swirling around the idea of dichotomous thinking again, thanks to my therapist.
To my credit, I'm not stuck trying to figure out whether or not I've overcome it or not, which would be peak tragicomedy.
My therapist put it gently as "It seems like you have a strong desire for clarity."
I do, and it makes me good at a lot of things. My job, for one. Having insights is delicious, and we all desire delicious things.
But I also have a lot more tolerance for uncertainty than I did when I was younger.
Growing up seems not to be about no longer having challenging personal qualities, but about managing them skillfully.
(Insight- ding ding! I win again!)
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250801
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xldea
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Oh and reflecting on Mr. Sort_of, in particular, I think he was just a sweet dude with low self esteem being both energized and exhausted by my passionate nature, like many others after him.
Every once and awhile I look back on one of our IRC logs that comes up in a search for something else, and I always end up being amazed at his patience with me.
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250801
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