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Syrope
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i miss bright eyes, i should have made cds to bring home :(
there's something_vague changing. it's like looking at those pictures you're supposed to find the differences between, and having found all but the last one, your eyes just...can't single out any details any more.
it doesn't make me angry any more how you still find ways to encourage the things i am most against. i don't really care what you do with your body any more - i know you can't forget me, and in that way your quest is pathetic. i also know that there's no way i'll ever have to worry about carrying your child, so in that way your quest is a little more acceptable. it just annoys me, and you know i won't voluntarily be around it, but that's your choice now - it's not so much driving me away as closing yourself off.
but did i just grow more apathetic, or is it that i might_be_falling for someone new? there's this disappointing pattern about how to be really appreciated i have to be treated like shit for a certain amount of time. i've had one "beautiful misled relationship, insert shit & drama, appreciation" and one "shitx2, awkward misinterpreted relationship, drama, appreciation" ...i think i've just been conditioned, and so now i'm wondering what to do with this...every other half hour business. on the way from greensboro to my house i silently ran the entire spectrum of emotion...what *was* that? i can't hate you one second and be in love with you the next. i just have to take this slow until i pinpoint just what is going on.
one part of me wants to be tender with the vague and mysterious situation, but the other part of me wants to dig my fingernails into its taunting eyeballs.
god. i never wanted to sound like this.
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040105
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