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rhin
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when i first met her i thought she was crazy goofy. and bisexual. she scared the hell out of me. i didn't know what to do with her. so, when we began working on the same float design team together, i was so curious about her. she made me nervous as hell (to tell you the truth i had never once knowingly been in proximity to someone who claimed to be bisexual or lesbian). things changed though with me wanting to kick her ass when she began to dog me about certain aspects of my personal life. i'm a fairly mild person until you invade my personal space. she did. i invited her outside to beat the shit out of her 3 times, forgetting that with her body build - weightlifting and boyish attitude, that she would have wiped the parking lot with my ass. she never stepped outside.
2 1/2 years later.
i don't know what it is about her. she's so silly and dramatic. i'm so serious and messed up. i'm in love with her. no one knows about us. not that i know anyway. i'm sure people have suspected. my family just knows that i shut every one of my friends out 8 years ago and that i finally opened up and introduced them to a friend at work. we act like sisters and no one questions it. my family loves her, and includes her. do they know? we have played it off so well i can't imagine how they would. will i ever tell them? small towns. old religions and core family values.
*sigh* things aren't always easy with us though. whoever said that being with a female is easier than dealing with guy issues is seriously full of shit. it's the same, except sex is amazing. and it's worse, because PMS is x2. i've never once threatened or wanted to leave though. once love is there, i'm there until the end. i don't believe in taking an easy way out. she however, has threatened to leave, and has a few times. she didn't go far. i'm not an easy person to know. i don't make it easy for anyone. why does she stay. i don't intend to make it difficult. nothing she ever says to me falls on a silent tongue. 'i have an answer or response to everything' she says. i'm not always right, but i'm a debater and i'm mouthy. why can't i just remain silent. the funny thing is that i'm not a talker. i observe and I like it quiet. i prefer my own thoughts than listening to the mindless chatter of stupid females or males full of themselves. i like it complicated or nothing at all. at the same time i like it less, because too much is clutter. hold my hand, and i'll hold yours. walk beside me and i'll fight for you. breathe with me and i'll hold you until you fall asleep. laugh at the same vile of the world with me and i'll respect you even more. these things she does and in reverse.
i've never written about her. i'm not used to talking about her. she's away for a few days. road trip. my stomach is in knots. not because i can't handle life without her. hey, most of my bitchy attitude comes from my severe independent streak. the knot is because thinking of her and harm is more than i can handle. on the road is dangerous. i won't calm down until she is home.
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090604
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