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perfectly_chaotic
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No matter how many times reality sinks in I still feel shocked... The makings of tears gather themselves above tired eyes and never quite leave. A silent mourning at a realization repeated as if it were some grand theme; everyone I love is going to die. My mother, father, brother, sister. My aunt, my mother's own sister, will join the ranks of my father's parental pair. My father to someday follow suit. Even my siblings. Faster and faster until the fatal feast consumes my friends and everyone else I know...... This knowledge is a cause of the decrease of the fear of my own demise; all the pain and suffering I will not only feel, but all the pain and suffering the living must watch others go through. At times it seems like exponential suffering.
Yet my fear persists. The thought of losing people who are close to me comes with this feeling as if a flood drowns my heart. The choke upon the fluid spits its energy through my throat and out my eyes. Faded memories of the lost rise to the surface and ripple the calm state of mind. Calmly I cry, having seen tsunamis. All this pain in the world. Individuals in pain at their own respective losses. The collectively felt pain at the loss of an individual. To bear the burden of being a cog in collective pain production is terrifying.
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110507
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