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she_was_the_love_of_my_life
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Bear
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I didn't think I was capable, I didn't think I could, I didn't think I had it in me to be part of such a sweet girl's life. Long walks in New York City, making fun of people, making fun of you, being made fun of. Being there for someone.
We used to make fun of the little white man that appears when it's okay for us to cross the street. I'd say that he would only arrive if I kissed your neck and brought you into me.
And now I'm a stranger because I couldn't leave what I love. I broke your heart and I broke a piece of myself.
I've got to do what ive got to do even though I don't want to do it .
I just want you to know that this was the hardest thing. But I can't even say that. It would hurt you too much, like adding one last ember to a fire
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150607
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Bear
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I miss you - you'll always be my tiny princess. All I want to do is tell you how important you are to me - how much I want you to be happy. But I'm the one person who can't tell you that - because I know it would hurt you.
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150608
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Bear
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Today's one of those days where I feel exhausted. I used to love texting you when I felt this way. It reminded me that there is still something beautiful in this world. A reason to work hard, something to come home to you. Something to make a place a home. I miss you
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150609
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Bear
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Days going great. It's one of those days where I text you and say I'm kicking ass. I miss those days. Still love you and I know it sounds crazy but I think I always will.
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150610
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Bear
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I hope you're doing good. I hope you laugh a lot. You have the most awesome wife. I remember driving with you in my car and you just screaming "meow" I hope you laugh a lot. You have the most awesome wife. I remember driving with you in my car and you just screaming "meow" to the melody of the song. Those are among my favorite times. It was always fun, always funny, we were always going to some unusual place to eat that I would never eat at myself. I want you to have someone to me out with. Maybe not right away, but I really truly don't want you to be miserable without me. I want you to be happy. Maybe this is what love is
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150611
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Bear
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Today was one of those soul destroying days. I worked until all the confidence and energy in me were gone. I worked until I thought my bladder would burst. And then I worked some more. Finally after a couple hours I got my yes and everything paid off
Kind of reminds me of when we stuck with each other through fights. We argued and I'd say some smart ass thing just to remind myself that I still have "self-will". I constantly reminded myself that I love you, and then something would happen. I don't know what it was but it would always happen and we would always find ourselves loving each other again. Part of me wishes it were like that right now.
But this state is eating me alive, and it looks like I'm going to be here for a while. We have to go our own separate ways. Still love you even though I can't tell you .
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150612
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Bear
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Still thinking about you every day. Thought about how I could make it work. No idea where we'd live - my life's going to be a hurricane these next couple years.
I'm at a meeting now - we went here together before.
Going to make a lot of money this month - enough to buy a brand new truck if I want. I used to day dream about us going on nice trips with me driving my little truck. i probably won't buy it brand new anyway, but that thought is there.
I don't know that I can open up to someone as much as I did to you - I hope you felt someway like that towards me.
You gave me more than I could ever give back - I love you
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150614
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Bear
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Getting late - still thinking of you - life's good but you made it awesome. I wish we didn't have those stupid fights. I still feel like you're my baby - weird how time changes things. Love you
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150615
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Bear
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Getting ready to go home for a bit - making things happen - money's getting better - but it can't buy me time with ypu
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150617
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Bear
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I don't really understand what I want right now. Money is flowing in, I'm not a millionaire but I'm doing better than most. But even with Old friends, and me going back to my home state for a little bit, I feel lonely without you.
I saw picture of you recently,and I fell for you again. You were smiling but I can't tell if you're really happy. I hope you were. It's funny how people do that, we're so desperate not to be seen as desperate. I mean I've been keeping this anonymous journal just to have a voice for my feelings. Not sure how normal that is. I'd love to tell you, maybe someday. But for now it would be selfish of me. I love you
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150618
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Bear
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I know I'm supposed be getting better, but sometimes it feels like I miss you more more every day. Listened to an old voicemail that you left me. You wanted to know if I wanted to come over to have dinner and watch the blacklist with you. I just want to let you know that I would love to, even though it's seven months later. I'm sorry to both you and myself that I'm so stubborn and insistent on staying here.
On one hand I literally have, in my bank account right now, more money than I've ever had in my life. I could actually afford a year of college tuition with what I have. Ha ha - I wish you were here to smile at that corny joke .
You would love where i'm considering moving. It's so cool. All I want to do is tell you about it, and have you move with me. Totally different from where we were before, we wouldn't have to drive anywhere. All these little shops are so close - It's awesome.
In fact I walked in with you before. We were on a date and in search of the best restaurants . We were in some sort of fight, I can't remember what it was about. Funny how that happens. Wait it's coming to me.
I wanted to walk down the street again, and you wanted to go somewhere else because you'd already seen it. And then I drove downtown and we fought for another 20 minutes. And then we wound up having an awesome night. Funny how that happens. I love you so much I hope you're doing okay . - Bear
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150619
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Bear
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Id love to send you something like "I love you" via text
But the best case scenario would be one of us crying and wanting to get back together. Even though part of me wants that, I'm a wild bear here, constantly obsessing over work. But I have established some loose roots. It looks like I know where I'm going to be for the next six months. And I would love for you to be here with me. Love you
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150620
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Bear
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I love you. I think somewhere underneath my cynicism and narcissistic tendencies I was a kid that just wants to be happy with somebody else. That somebody was you. I like playing in the sandbox together. But I'm old and obsessed with money. Fuck I don't know whether I made it or if something else is taking control of me and I'm losing my soul - Love you
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150622
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unhinged
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bach_goddess
in the decade that has passed i wonder how and where her life is now.
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150625
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Bear
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I'm back here. You know where. It's the city where we met. Fucking lights are gorgeous, the weather is perfect. I'm out on the water about to sail to an island that you're not as fond of. I miss you still. Feeling like one of those goth kids in high school who hyper focus on tragedy. So lame, Kind of funny 😋
But the truth is you always be but the truth is, apart from a memory impairing accident - you will always be my tiny princess.
Love you - goodbye forever
- Bear
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150626
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Bear
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Still can't stop thinking about you. I've got so many balls up in the air right now so at least I'm keeping busy. I picked a different place to live, you would fucking love it. I'm in the city now, like living Inside the city. We could walk to those cool places that we did about five months ago. Maybe six, my sense of time is off.
And really all I want is for you to come over as soon as I move in and have fun with me. We can go out to eat, and wrestle you, laugh, watch shows - everythingas soon as I move in and have fun with me.
I don't know how we can make it work at all. I look at my long-term goals and they're kind of insane. . We are so different in that regard.
Anyway, I saw some pictures you posted on Facebook. It looks kind of happy in them, it's hard to tell when someone's faking happiness. I don't think you are though, maybe I just hope you aren't - because I love you I want you to be happy. You're with some old friends, I think I talked to or heard them on the phone before but never met them. I think you're at our favorite restaurant, not that we went that often -
You posted some pictures since then but nothing with your face in it, some of them are pretty goofy. God you could be such a goofball. I missed that. I don't know how long it takes to get over someone that you really love. I don't know if it ever goes away.
Someday I'd love to show you these, maybe we could be friends. Honestly I just want to be with you however possible. I want to make sure you're happy and that you're taking care of in someway, even if I'm not the one to do it .
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150710
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unhinged
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the_friend_fallacy
i have an ex like you. he wants to be my friend so bad. but it is a conditional friendship at best. i cant stand it. after all these years i dont want to hear about what it takes for him to stick around for someone else.
let her go.
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150710
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Bear
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You're right a friendship probably wouldn't work in the long run. Easier said than done - at least this can be my therapy for now.
It's weird to initiate a breakup with someone I love so much - like telling a family member that we can't ever see/talk again or turning my back on the sweetest friend that I grew up with - really shitty analogies
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150720
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Bear
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You're all I thought about this morning . Probably think that I absolutely do not give a fuck about you, because I haven't texted or called or even let you know that I'm alive. Well I do. And the only reason I don't call or text is because it's like irritating a wound - or hurting you and there's no need to.
It's been a while
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150728
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fir3cuB3
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She in morning wee!!
Do you blush for real ....I wonder
And if you do ...is the color burnt cyan
U did have a coarse voice....wee hours I guess....
I loved thy sweet baritone...as if I could taste it....!
...your half lit open eyes....
...struggling to open wide.....
.....aaaahhh....breaking dawn prsonified...!
.....that never ceasing yet broken smile...
..... bud of daisies....breaking into life..!
..Wee hours ....a world so different...
....like morning dew passes me by .....
while I am adrift....why we call it 'we'... ?!!
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150729
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Bear
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Here and there it's still comes like sharp pains of jagged glass reminding me that despite whatever I've attempted to tell myself I still have a motions. We're getting older, 30 is an iceberg straightahead.
And i've never loved anyone but you.
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151103
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Beat
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Still love you. Enough not to bother you. I'm not certain that We would be right in a long term relationship together - and without that assurance I don't want to call or bring back any old emotions.
I hope you're as happy as you deserve to be. Love you tiny.
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160112
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