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stork daddy
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she remembered when she was in high school, and how good it felt to see all of the people and to feel such clear purpose. study, meet people, know people. it was all set out for you. and she remembered those strange and wonderful nights at the houses of people she'd just met, or at a party talking to someone and feeling as if they understood that particular night sky the same as you, as well as you. now she felt different. the same people who were adventures she now felt she was a burden to, some smutty book that didn't belong in that library. and she used to think she was very important in the world, that somehow everything she did, every choice was of great significance to everyone else's life. with how she felt she had messed up lately though, it was her most sincere wish that what she did was of as little significance possible. and she wished she could just start over. but from all she'd read, she knew that regret was a pretty old and basic emotion. and she'd yet to hear of an instance of that wish being granted. to just wake up again and be starting freshman year in high school, or further back to be sleeping as you hear your parents voices gentle across the wall glowing soft like heating coils. still, what did a person lose when they said a prayer? i pray that i can start over. maybe he was right. if you're going to die, just die, do damage control, shove off on your ice flow. but if you decide to live. play it where it lies as well as you can.
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041215
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