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unhinged
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i'm ashamed of it all
me
who
how
why
that
i am
and don't think i haven't thought about it, analyzed it, tried any method of getting rid of it. for the time that i didn't need it, for the time i thought of better saner things, it only makes me more ashamed. like i don't have a place in the world.
displaced
and the hole, pit, vacuum in my heart; you know the one that sucks in all the happiness until even the everyday things that could make me smile are meaningless, it's winning.
and i looked at him, drunk as an excuse, and said 'i win.' only because i was trying to convince myself.
i win.
and i'm crawling in the ever-shrinking part of my soul that protects me from these things. like a cocoon, comforter, warm bottomless lake, that encloses me to keep me safe for another day. don't worry. i'm saving the smallest part; the part that reasonated at the words 'you are a special human being and i love you' cause i believed it wholly.
twisted
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040827
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