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really_bad_cat_jokes
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dafremen
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An amputee cat rolls into a bar on his mobility scooter and orders a drink without pause.
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181127
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dafremen
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What do cats and salesmen have in common? The hidden claws.
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181127
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dafremen
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What do you get when you cross a cat with an elephant?
I don't know but if you're going to breed them, you're cleaning the litter box.
A really big pussy.
Scratched up pretty badly if you don't hold the cat correctly.
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181127
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dafremen
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A man had arranged a catnip sale online and was waiting for the customer, when he hears a knock on the door. Looking through the peep hole, he sees that it's a cat, so he figures, "What's a cat gonna know the difference?" and takes some catnip out of the bag he had already weighed. He hides this and then opens the door.
"Here you go", the man says to the cat, "that'll be ten dollars."
"Ten? But you told me $5 over the phone", said the cat, irritated.
"Yea, but my price has gone up, so yours has too", the man responds.
The cat forks over the $10 and ask the man, "Mind if I relieve myself before I go?"
"Sure, bathroom is past the kitchen. First door on the right", the man tells the cat.
The cat leaves the bag of catnip by the door and walks toward the kitchen.
While the cat's in the restroom, the guy is starting to feel bad for ripping him off, so he takes that handful of catnip out of hiding and sticks it back in the bag.
Then he puts a 5 dollar bill in the bag too.
After the cat comes out of the restroom, the man says to him, "Hey, you might want to check your bag." The cat looks in the bag, then looks back at the man and says:
"Hey, thanks. You might want to check your sugar bowl."
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181127
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dafremen
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A cat walks into a bar and starts ordering drinks. After awhile, it's obvious that the cat is woozy, so a woman at the bar suggests that the bartender stop serving him. "Get him some coffee! Can't you see how drunk he is?" Another patron suggests, "Make that cat a tonic."
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181127
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oren
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Yes.
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181127
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dafremen
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A cat walks into a bar completely naked. No one seems to notice.
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181129
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dafremen
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Why won't a cat fetch a stick?
Because it wasn't their idea.
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181129
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smurfus rex
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What do you call the hind end of a cat displayed on a wall?
A cat ass trophy.
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181129
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Doar
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You have to be Kitten me!
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181129
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