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andru235
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i write you, dear Voscibiustimus, to declare unto thee how wonder biscuits are. for it was only last night, the night of the triple virgins, that we didst dine on biscuits, slathered with goat cheese and sprinkled with garum.
by "we", i am of course referring to myself and Crassus Nepulus Aemialianus Aedolonos! surely you didn't think i meant that i had dined with that fool, Regulus!
but of course, no letter of mine would be complete without a scathing little anecdote about Regulus. today's vignette features Tertius Sejanus Drussus, unto whom Regulus has petitioned he be made sole heir. well! imagine my surprise when Tertius Sejanus Drussus agreed to Regulus' conditions!
simply put, i cannot fathom why Tertius Sejanus Drussus would do such a thing. especially considering that Regulus is already so very, very rich; primarily, it would seem, from absconded legacies. for i cannot, my dear Voscibiustimus, call his acquisition of legacies by any other name. neither "Scipio", "Cleanthe," nor "Tiffany" will do. absconded is the only word which can properly express what has occured.
there is only one good thing that has come of Regulus, and that is his chef's recipe for pumice-ground barley biscuits. simply delicious, if one can only manage to avoid the ground pumice. Regulus, that fool, has suggested grinding the barley with a more sturdy stone - what an idiot! then the delicious biscuits would no longer be pumice-ground!
anyhow, i am off to libya tomorrow. granted, no one will be calling it "libya" for another seventeen centuries, but i always strive to keep ahead of the times. so long, and don't eat the mushrooms! ha ha. love, pliny.
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[ibidem]
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051021
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