blather
photophobe_on_the_brink
Photophobe is perfectly straight stop.

Today I (re)gained a soul.
I felt the edges of reality- caught it in the corner of my mind's eye.

But I need more= A doorway.

Need: Some way to tear my mind's vision away from the real and into the underword. I'm getting so close.



Ambivalence: If I suceed, will this change be permanent?


Query: I feel I am closer than ever; on the brink. I feel as though I've been trying to get here all my life this feeling is closer to my goal than I've ever been. But is this the same as ? Am I trying to go mad.

Is my greatest wish to be insane or am I being enlightened in another way?

Action: I need more. I'm so close to my discovery. I'm so close to a kx21 Eureka! I'm scared that if I stand still now I'll never come back. I'll lose this feeling. What do I do?

WhatdoI XXXXXXstopXXXXXX What? Do I stop? Stop. Do I push further? HOW? Do I write? Do I stop writing? Do I sing do I xxSTOPxxx? Do I look for drugs artifically enlighten/disenlighten areas of me?

I know music can't be the answear. A CD is like bad acid. NOT TO BE CONSUMED.

I need bug powder and I need it now. I need to do the Tilliam Tell routine. I need to understand the way the chords relate. I need to see gravity. I need to know the relationship between SHITs and STARs. I need to transcend thought and feeling.

Talk show host is no longer my song I used to want to be someone else or I'll explode But now I WANT to explode. Let the world pour into me, even if its xtxxoxxxo mxxxxuchx

x
.

xIf I can't handle the world inside my head now, I never will. Selah.

xxA writer lives the sad truth like anyone else. The only difference is: They file a report on it.xxx

Its not true!x xnotstoptruxenoxtxxnotnottrxxuestop.xx

///You keep going because you never xkxxxnow when you're going to stxxxumble on someone that wilxxxlx devourx yourfeeeeeeeeling of loneliness and leave smxxxxsmiles in txxxtxits place._______

Nottrueanymore.

I want to know why the carpet only crawls when you don't look straight at it.

DEAR MARTIN

YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME. I'VE BECOME ADDICTED TO SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EXIST. I'VE RUN OUT, AND I'M AFRAID OF WHAT THE WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS MIGHT BE.

-hey foxymophandlemama, thats me.

stop.
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Photophobe Years later I still relate to this, every day.

Still seemingly "sane".

Still glad ya'll can't see inside my head.
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