blather
pathection
breygris perfecting the art of being pathetic. 040403
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melodecay so angry.
WHY CAN'T I BE PERFECT?
WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME?
WHY DOES THIS KEEP ON EVEN WHEN I'VE GIVEN UP?
EVERYBODY'S HERE, EVERYBODY KNOWS, AND I FEEL MORE AND MORE ALONE.
WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK THEIR PAIN IS THE UTMOST? -- IS IT SOME SORT OF FUCKING CONTEST?
DON'T *PLAY* WITH IT. DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEA? IT ISN'T SHIT TO BE SMEARED ON THE WALL FOR ALL TO SEE AND CRAWL TO YOUR NEEDS.
not to say i'm the almighty all knowing. on the contrary. i don't know what i'm doing. i don't know what's living in me. i just know i'm being eaten, because i can feel it. can you? i hope not. be fucking careful what you wish for.
YOU JUST MIGHT GET IT.
040403
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triste sadness can be the funniest trend . . . im so frustrated that i burst out laughing. no, a laugh? too late, i realize im crying. its ok. when you dont talk, no one looks at you. they get used to you, and you can cry in peace without anyone ever knowing.
its just the images, you know? and the thoughts. the ones that scream truths and whisper lies, and the ones that run off on their own and bring back back dead hope and leave it on the doorstep.
images: then vision blending insight, with so so many goddamn feelings . . . sometimes it just gets to be completely overwhelming.
or more like, sometimes, i just cant take it. the bloody veined tissue of my heart just bursts open and leaks all over my mind, melting walls and careful locks.
or maybe its my liver, not heart. someone once said the liver is a better representative of the center of human emotion than the heart; the tissue of your heart is as tough as a shoe. they use thick needles to sew up a heart. but if you get a liver wound, every time you try to sew it up, it just opens up another wound which tears and bleeds, and you try to sew up that one and it does the same . . . and so on.
040403
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again one of my friends was the pathection master. She now has her dream boyfriend and they cry togeather over their nonexistant problems. how fucked up can u get. 040601
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again i tried pathection. the problem was i started believing it was real, that i really did have these problems. So i got depressed. part of me still new that it was all crap, so with the eternal battle of these two parts i ended up getting wasted whenever i could so i could forget about it. then i started developing real problems, but i didnt know if they were real or if i was just overexaggerating. Or if i had just ceated them by being so fucked up. I still don't know. So now my life and my friends and my family are screwed, and just because i craved attention, because i wanted someone to care.

At some point we realise no one cares. Okay people care, but you cant make them, and you can't trick them into it.
040601
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pathectionist anorexia. 050528