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perfectly_chaotic
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Fear, terror, panic.
Will I be done in by a razor blade?
Or should I blame my own clumsiness,
will that be my downfall?
My hands and fingers are trembling from it all.
I hope that it was not a razor which belonged to you know who,
the man with you know what…
I cannot yet get ahold of anyone who knows.
Should I even be worried, even if it was his,
perhaps he never cut himself with it.
If he did would rinsing the razor remove the virus.
Unknown danger, potential inoculation, and it wasn’t even pleasant.
No orgasms, no heroin rushes, just a knick on the finger as I reached for soap.
Soap to kill the germs I was worried about getting….
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, PANIC MODE!
I went to wash my hands clean of germs and now I may have as nasty virus,
I won’t be able to know for sure for at least 3 months.
Although the unknown is scary enough… I am afraid of scaring my mother.
It looks like I need to put my already non-existant sex life on hold again.
I should just give up on the thought of ever having coital relations again.
Relief. It turned out to only be my best friend’s razor.
I got the message just as I finished writing what was written above.
What a relief. Sigh. My lungs no longer feel they are being handled by a large snake.
I did not catch AIDS from our friend from out of town…
Whew. I am not out of the woods yet, but damn I am glad I missed that branch
along the way. Gonna get another test anyways.
The needle in my arm will only stir up more muddy water in my mind.
The mud I put in there years ago, still sits at the bottom of the pool.
Dances with death, murky, muddy, bloody waltzes of dirty needles.
I am lucky to be alive. So very, very lucky.
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110102
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