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amy nada
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could be enjoyable, if it's not, like, a totally constant thing. if constantly overwhelmed, never having any fun. constantly making personal meaning out of things in an attempt to fight back. complexisaurus. boundaries are self-constructed, and brittle and easily collapsable. fragile ego. coping? right. the powers-that-be-in-the-psychosphere told me to just give up long ago. it's not maintainable. they are probably right, sad to say. unless a marvelous circus contraption of inspiration and assistance comes along. so my choices are to fight (on some level) or have faith in my survival. i keep it zen. (but pray and keep an eye out for circus contraption, for better or worse).
maybe i'm just undisciplined, but somehow i think it's more than that. lacking true faith in *earthly* reward. or, i'm at a deficit in some areas and try to overcompensate in others. i know i'm not in debt, metaphysically. one could argue that it's greed. oh well. what can you do? (serious question).
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