blather
ongoingmadness
miss_flowers i feel like i'm going insane.
like i can't decide what i should do.
though i have made my decision, and it's the right one,
the grass is always greener on the other side.
why am i happy and still questioning?
it seems to be a case of tasting_the_forbidden_fruit and wondering more.
i can't tell anyone, but the temptation to post it on here is overwhelming, especially now i know you might see this.

but i don't think that is healthy,
and there's nothing to change about this situation, as i don't think this would work out if i was single. more honestly, i have found the perfect guy for me yet i still find myself thinking about you.

i think you need to see new people, i do.
but it does make me question myself over and over.

know that if i had been single when i met you, i would have given it a shot.
we are on a similar wavelength. i don't know if you've even seen this, or will read it. i don't intend to mess your head up more, just put my words up where they are unlikely to be seen but can provide a bit of relief for my head.

i'm sorry for messing everything up,
and messing your head up.

you're a sweet and lovely guy and i wish you all the best with whoever it is you're seeing.

if you've read this, feel free to respond. this is an anonymous forum.
it's unlikely you will see this but i wanted to splurge these crazy thoughts out, and if you see them then maybe it will be comforting to know. or not. i don't know any more. i feel as though we're acting in some weird play around people who don't know what's going on, and we're pretending, and it's bothering me. i want to be friends with you but i feel like you don't want to or can't be anymore.
i know we discussed it but it still feels odd.

i do want to be friends and not this weird stasis.
i'd rather have you as a friend than not in my life at all but i wonder if that's my choice to make any more.
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unhinged (do him a favor and let him go. keeping someone in your life as a friend who wants more from you is destructive at best. it does not feel good to have your heart boxed_up and put in someone's back pocket. it is frustrating at best to hear someone say 'if i would have been single when we met i would have given you a shot.' you weren't. there is no shot. unsolicited_advice , i know, but i have spent very close to my entire adult live in various states of 'friendship' with people i had stronger feelings about. it is painful to let people go that you have a connection to; it's hard to find people that are on the same wavelength. but it's even harder to watch someone you want to be with be with someone else. my stomach flopped over just now just thinking about it.

if said 'he' doesn't like you more intensely, disregard everything i just said)



seasonal_affective_disorder is a bitch
maybe i should be medicated
seattle isn't going to be any better as far as my s_a_d is concerned
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