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Grace
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-and for your irish news today
coming live a little ditty, from a girl who is loved by someone..who is not you..to the atheists and the happy writers..lend an ear..
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did you think i'd forget about
-those things you wrote- "H"?
that i'm starting to get over almost two years later?..
or your going on about political unrest
and all-about-the-Clash-in high-school?still and Che and all that jazz?..
you did a marvelous job of acting
(as if) i wasn't alive..then..
as now..
it was amazing..
"i" should've been the
Journalist and YOU the Actress..
or Actor, i mean..
(tell me)- do you still trip at times when you walk? in that skipping way? and that hop you do? and you walk with your chest turned towards who you are speaking to?
has your mind ever thought about me,about us..here..
while youre defending 'social justice'
there..
you had a cutting way,
even your teeth. sortof jaggedy..(no,not Jaggery..)i just thought..somehow..you'd.
change..
well.no,that's not it..i..just..
Or,is it that youve stayed the same? but older..
maybe i never really knew you at all..
my instincts are rarely off about people..
was it the timing?
is there ever a good time to say anything i said?
how many unexpressed meaningful feelings and thoughts do-we all-
carry around on/about someone we once knew..
things that were never EVER expressed, shared..
looking back i can see of no way i could have..
i know how you saw me,as you see me now,but older,
now..
maybe thats how,anyway..
and why should i care?
the more i think of it..it just hurts -all about you,there
i didn't ask for these feelings..
or memories..
they are not a 'bad' thing..
maddening,perhaps..
and you DO think i'm mad..don't you "H"
mad as the mad hatter..and twice as trite..
come now..lets see how you rolled off my contact like shewing a fly away
tonight i will try to vow..to give this entire thing-in my mind- back to God
where it belongs
sufficient to say."H" you didn't care much for me then and you don't now..
i'd say it may not be the truth..
but thats how it looks from here..
i still read your articles
i can get them for free on some web sites.
was i too much like you?
i just dont understand what happened
i KNOW it was 'for the best'
but did you HAVE to be SO severe?!
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i mean DID you!?
was there not someother way
some sortof KIND way to say ""and
"have a nice life"?
i am seperating you from my Ireland
i can't control you are there.
if anyone sees this and knwos who you are..in this and who i am ..fine..
these are my feelings and there's more.skimmed version.
so,bye to you "H"
have many happy fleeting days with your two kids and Wife in the Emerald Isles..
and if you ever think of me/us
just forget about me..
this wont be hard-you seem to do it
as unconscious gut-reaction
i'm leaving you now- in my mind-
i've grieved you and this all "H"
be precious to someone.
most of all , try to learn decency..
loving kindness..
read "that stuff" i wrote
and if you think of us again
talk to God about it (i know your being an Atheist,it's hard..)
but i can't talk about it anymore "H"
or think on it..
ever anymore..
Released..
p.s. i'm still praying for you and yours and i won't stop..
of course this all had meaning to me and hurt me alot..
the 'whys' don't matter
to one who does not care..
Shalom,"H"
GraceandGlory©2003
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030430
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