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re_alisma
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way back, awhile ago now, i acted horribly toward a person who i felt, in my crazy way, was psychologically attacking me. i still think he was, in his crazy way. but he probably didn't know i would be such a direct target, somehow. back at that time, which lasted for a few years, i tried to make it up in numerous ways. tried to solve the interpersonal problem that was making that person seem to me like he was out for my already fragile sense of self and direction in life. inevitably, it was all nuts and i probably did some things that were out of line. i'm sorry for that. a million dollars is due to him. my Akasha reading says that it was just a sorry situation all around, and that he's the one that got pretty huffy and puffy and blew my house down about it. i'm not nearly righteous as he is.... or idealistic... or maladjusted to the "normal". i would help him more, but i find that he'll just try to trump me with the whole pissed off scenario, no matter what, and really, i let this go a long time ago. but if he's still upset then maybe he needs an apology.............. i did act horribly, at times. it's kind of this cesspool outsider of the outsiders of the outsiders of the outsiders etc that i get into... and i shouldn't blame others, i should just recognize when there are fundamental differences that others can, in their youth and with their piss and vinegar, try to eradicate. i know he still thinks i'm horrible, and will laugh at what? my conservatism? but i am SO UTTERLY PROGRESSIVE in so many different kinds of ways. still. i was conservative in the one way that was the wrong way, for him.
that's my take on that thing which was unfortunate. i wish he hadn't pulled out that fake gun (for fun) because i just couldn't handle it. couldn't handle that one! not fun! anyway.... i realize now that had i been a little more socially secure i wouldn't have been nearly so affected. also many other creepy things while i tried to solve the tear in my brain that the fake gun experience caused, and he just wouldn't have it, because THAT GUY IS RIGHTEOUS!!!! (there's a square from virgo to sagittarius and don't i know it!)
my mending solution was, finally, that he was actually the now devastated version of our resident limnologist. not that that's true, but it would explain why that cut so close for me. it seems to put it to rest, for me, anyway. and here's my UBER insurance: Lake Victoria's Secret!!! he wouldn't have the UBER UBER insurance, but he would probably know why i was utterly in the wrong about that one.
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