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a chaotic gift to idealism
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i had a despairing conversation with my friend last night. he tells me that everyone has been worried about me. i am one to sit at my desk for long hours everyday doing code and working on websites. when i disappear.. where could i go? i do not go out i do not party(much). where could i have gone... what could have happened to me? what IS happening to me?
they didnt know the answers to any of this. when i spoke to my friend.. he tells me to speak to him. tell him what is happening and what is going on.
i did this. i told him of how the path of a loved one joined together with me again. i told him of the overwhelming great time i have had since i joined back with her. of how she had to leave again and had promised to return.
i spoke of the the tense night we had. how it went and how it ended.
i told him of how i feel that, of all the people that she no doubt wishes to never judge her.. that i had done exactly that. i told him how, she is one of my very dearest friends.. much like he is.
i do not hold many friends for what to me, feels to be good reason. people are so quick to judge... so quick to label and never let go of the labels they place. he is my friend because he does not judge me. he could catch me jerking off with a buttplug in my ass and never say a hurtful word about it. she is my friend because she has never passed judgement on me. i have never passed judgement on her. i will never do this to my friends or to my lover. they mean too much to me and they are so few. she.. is only one, the only one. together we understand that, as the people we are, some things we do in life by duty, choice, or simply for pleasure. we live our own lives and we live with free will. it is no ones place to pass judgement on another. i love her for standing true to this with me, this being one of many reasons. i do not doubt her. i do not judge her. i never will. above all things, this i will hold true for as long as my body has life.
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050613
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