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eatingstars
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the chant i repeat again and again,
but i'm wrong.
clearly something matters.
is there one specific thing that matters?
i don't know.
i've never been one for the extravagant goals,
those lists we had to make in junior high for a grade:
what goals would you like to accomplish in 5 years?
what goals would you like to accomplish 10 years?
what goals would you like to accomplish 15 years?
in my head it was always, i don't know, i don't know, and i don't know, do people really have these goals?
but then i'd write down:
graduate from high school,
graduate from college,
get married.
but i never had any of those goals, i never wanted any of those things, i just wrote them down because that's what society expected.
i knew that i would graduate from high school, but it wasn't a goal for me, it didn't really matter.
now im in college, and i know i'm going to graduate, but again, i wouldn't really say it's a goal, and i really don't think it matters,
but then maybe i do, because why else would i be here?
sometimes i think just because it's something to do, what else would i be doing with my time?
if it weren't school, it would be work.
and work obviously matters because without it, i would have no way to survive (at least theoretically)
but does it really actually matter?
i want to say i don't care,
but clearly i do.
i don't even know what i'm talking about.
things matter.
i care about things.
but i don't know why.
and i don't know what things.
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081007
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