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no_reason's_poetry_corner
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no reason
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i have to perfect (or improve, at least) five poems for class, and i thought i'd post them up here to see if anyone could possibly offer any feedback or anti-suckage advice. (i figured what better place than a site full of people who like to write?) :) i've read them so much i can't even tell anymore. any ideas, suggestions, confusions, anything, would be much, much appreciated and i'd be more than happy to return the favour.
"listing beliefs" poem:
in my own (i don't like this title.)
"a plate of stars
could never take the place
of the boy who swore to catch me
as i run through the rye" - sarah_slean
rich chocolate
heavy rain
pounding drums
i believe.
power of thought
provoking research
providing knowledge
i believe.
power of words
providing inspiration
enhancing creation
i believe.
cat's paws resting on my hand while i sleep
words forcing me to listen
and ask
curious eyes as she asks
those questions
answers.
that i acquire
light
that i can see
truth
that i may
or may not
know
i believe.
muse poem:
free verse
vast fields of luscious green
warm countryside
room for nothing but the sun
birds and rustle of leaves
sweet sounds of summer
and you
sprawled in the middle
where you belong
though unobtrusively
absorb the calm of the earth
take it in
wind, ground, sky
only for what it is
close your eyes
let go
and write
i want you
to paint me like them
like your spirit sees
i want scattered words
on the page
like your hair in the grass
i want to be
the lone speck of sunlight
on the tallest blade
the peak of your inspiration
the silver lining
in your every cloud
your worst cliche
the anger you feel towards war
the elation you feel
when you pick up your guitar
and sing to the sky
and all that inspires you to see
i want
to be me
(i hate the last stanza, by the way. that will most likely be changed.)
"you can't write a poem about..." poem:
give me a better hand than that
hurry up
so slow and inept
don't give me that
"not born with natural talent"
bullshit
try harder
go faster
i'd say you can do it
that i have faith in you
but i'd be lying
look to the side
couldn't be more like that
your symmetrical other
from birth, always was neater
better
No mistakes.
watch this
(in handwriting) the quick fox jumped over the lazy dog
now this
(in messy printing) the quick fox ju
too late. the fox was too quick for you
such a screw up
never can do anything
right
test's tuesday
and you'd better not break
like the other one
yeah. i guess that's all i'll post for now. i almost feel ashamed to put these up here; there's so much wrong with them. oh well. first drafts often suck...at least mine do.
anyway, thank you very much for reading, and please let me know if you have any suggestions. :)
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031122
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Doar
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don't even bother no reason,
i for one, sincerely enjoy reading your ramblings.
so there..
thhhhptttt!
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031123
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no reason
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hehe...well i'm glad my ramblings are enjoyed. :)
really, though, i didn't start this page for compliments. i need insults! and suggestions for improvement. i know it's a lot of effort, and if you don't have time or aren't interested, don't worry about it. i have my own ideas of what needs to be changed, and am working on it, but it's just nice to hear other points of view, especially of other poets and writers. please, tell me what sucks, and why, if you can. i can take it, i swear! :)
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031123
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Death of a Rose
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i could try...maybe the first poem title....hmmm...
reality shift?
just thowing that out there.
and i'm my own worse critic and editor, some flying poetry i've blathed here has just come of its own volition (and you know what....it is some of my favorite to date), when i look back upon some of the drivel i wrote back when i was younger, i would say...shit...better burn that before someone stumbles upon it.
so edit your stuff to how you want it be. because you'll look back again and edit all over again.
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031123
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