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There I am, lying in my bed, fast asleep, having the time of my life.
And I had to go and screw it up.
All my life I've been training for this moment. Not especially, or anything. But I did a bunch of roleplaying in early high school and read a shitload of fantasy novels. I read Lord of the rings at the age of 8. So I should have known better.
Its a full fantasy adventure, and, as it always goes in memories of dreams, there was a whole bunch of fun stuff that I don't remember. you only ever remember the last bit of the dream, unless you're lucky.
So I'm an enemy camp, sneaking about, trying to rescue my companions. Of course, I don't remeber them. I creep into a small tent on my beely, and stand up inside. I light a match, adn what do you know? Its an armory!
Pretty stupid thing to do, light the match, but how was I to know that there was a guard right outside?
So he comes charging in, and I have to make a snap descision. Which weapon? there are so many. I breifly consider a mace, but taking into account the heavy armour the goblin is wearing, grab a bastard sword.
So heres the situation. I'm in the teenest, tinyest little tent, pack with every weapon I could want. Very little room to move, and I have to pick one.
And I pick the biggest damn sword can hold. I've got a sheild on my left arm, so I can't go for a 2 handed sword, so a bastard sword seemed the way to go.
Now in the dream, I forgot that of course a bastard sword, being a fucking big sword, needs room to swing, is very slow etc etc. But my subconsious didn't.
I struggle to draw it, just in time to impale the goblin. Pure accident. another goblin rushes in, and hacks at me. I duck behind the impaled, still standing body of the first goblin, and using the corpse as a sheild, succesfully know over the second goblin, giving me time to free the sword, and stick it to him.
Of course, then my luck runs out. more goblins rush in, and the sword is too big. no room to swing it, and its really hard to get goblins to impale themselves rather than chopping at you.
If I'd gotten outside of the tent, the bastard sword would have been great. its so big that it'd have a huge range, and those little goblins wouldn't stand a chance. But with all those daggers and shortswords and flails small weapons in there, I should have picked one of those,at least until I could get out of the tent.
Killed by smelly little goblins. How humiliating.
So next time you're in a dream, in a tent full of swords with not much room to move, and you have to pick a weapon real quick, think of me and my fatal error, or else your funnest of fun dreams will be no more.
Never pick the bastard sword
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