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joe_schmuchatelli
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so my girlfriend said i have a type when she saw the boy i pointed out as being sexy
in my mind i suspected her of being blind to nuance
yes my last 2 or 3 'boyfriends' were about as fat as this guy, but they were definitely not cute for it - their cute always came from somewhere else
including this one: he has a sexy optimism, sexy hair (and oh how i'd love to stimulate the excess) and contagious happiness
his contagion overwhelms my envy, but his lack of vaguely serious interest in actual connection (or his fear of actual connection, or connection collateral) forces my reciprocal lack of persuit
life goes on, my synesthesia tells me that the general characteristic of my life is #cccccc, i envy the 22 year olds down the hall for their satisfaction with empty fleeting persuits, i refuse the option of finding new persuits to avoid the inevitable downfall of aspiration
but i super wish happenstance were on my side; its never what you do (per se) but how you do it (mega); and i guess toward the faits its just the same (those bitches)
how pathetic, i have a crush whose only optimal most logical climax is a sign of genuine affection (that cant be easily or logically dismissed)
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041027
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