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fire_in_the_sky
has traumatized me.
A little girl, she sneaks into the living room and watches the scary movie she wasn't allowed to see, her parents and brothers get all the fun...but...
oh god...
aliens....
whats all that goo?
...
maple syrup at the end....
maple syrup, planted in my mind, aliens, scary movie, aliens aliens aliens.
I was so afraid. When I moved from MD to HI at ten I would stay up reading or just staring in front of me, afraid of aliens coming to me in my sleep.
and only pure exhaustion could rock me to sleep and take away my fear, push her into remote corners of my brain until the next night, and over again, always been so afraid of aliens.
So why did I convert my emotions into some stronger fear of aliens when my parents divorced instead of just crying about mommy and daddy not loving eachother?
So here I am for the first time
in years
awake because I keep thinking
of unblinking eyes and bright lights and moist grey skin...and its ridiculous...completely absurd...
and
I stare paralyzed into the night every time I think Ive closed my eyes...and I am still searching, and
I am fearing the fear itself.
Or what?
I mean CHRIST. I need some fucking sleep.
I have yet to rewatch 'fire in the sky'. A friend told me tonight in her madly swerving telephone voice that I should just watch it again cus it might help. Things are more potent in their character when you are younger.
I don't know. just don't know.
but every time I eat maple syrup on something, flashes of that movie, of aliens, all of it come back in a few blinks. and then i bite into my waffles or what have you and continue conversation normally.
(hey, see also: long_and_stupid_blathes) or is it pointless?
haha.
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