blather
losing_it_all
jane everyday it feels more & more
like my chest is caving in
like i'm losing it all
happy songs make me
want to break
everything i see
make me want to
blow it out
like rings of smoke
into each other
make a target, dissipating
slowly into humidity
each drop worth
merely pennies

& the guitar
strikes
twice
& i can't stand any longer
my knees waver unreliable
i'm convinced
everything i see
can crackle like a busted mirror
like the way my ribs feel

i turn so quickly
to self destruction
just to manifest
something, to make sure
i'm still alive,
still feeling the grief.

someone cover me with earth
cool and nurturing
until i'm part of the water table
part of any table
& i'm no longer self-reliant.
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