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niska
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when we first moved to canada, we took a trip west to see some of tom's college buddies who hang out in whister most of the year. this was a very long trip, which would have probably been shorter if we'd gone there from california, but for some reason we thought we'd wait until we were in the same country... and we'll probably never do it again.
anyway we were driving around this small city called regina in the province of saskatchewan one night, because we were staying at this hotel, but we didn't really want to sleep yet. and we found a plastic-pumpkin-headed farmer/scarecrow sitting in a chair on someone's lawn. so, we took him on our road-trip across western canada. we decided to call him roger.
we took him clubbing & pubbing, where roger met all kinds of interesting people. he wanted to go home with this one cougar-lady, but we told him how old she was and he changed his mind. he sat at her table talking to her for a while though. she gave him a kiss on the cheek even.
then we took him to whistler, where he got pretty messed up, funnelling with some kids at a party outside. he came with us to a barbecue with some of tom's friends, and they accepted roger as one of the gang. we had to hold his head up over the toilet the that night for about an hour... tom's too.
and then, we took him to the beach, where some little kids buried him with sand and then he and the kids buried tom. then we all had some non alcoholic drinks with the kids' parents, who were about our age and very nice. roger passed out in the sun, but luckily, he didn't get a burn. we also took him to a mexican restaurant, and to the bathroom after.
we took him on the pirate ship at west edmonton mall, in alberta, and he seemed to have a good time, but i think he was just trying to be polite. while we were there, we also took him to hooters. he definitely had a good time there. they wouldn't let him on the roller coaster, so he came with me to try on shoes. they also wouldn't let him in the water park, so we thought it was time for roger to take a nap in the trunk of the car.
we stopped in regina again, but decided to keep him in the trunk.
in winnipeg manitoba, we took him to a place called the forks national historic site, where there were a lot of people, but nothing really exciting happening. we took him to this government building where they have a statue of a guy on the roof made called the golden boy. we thought it was kind of neat because he holds wheat in his hand. we figured this would remind roger of home, being from saskatchewan. some kids told us it's the city's mascot. one of them let roger ride his skateboard, but he sucked at it, and fell. he got a scrape on his head going off some stairs. it left a pretty noticeable scar.
then we stopped in thunder bay for a night. it was smaller than regina. they have a very nice marina and we hung out there for a bit. it was night, so there was nothing going on. there weren't really any people either. but we did find a prostitute who was willing to give him a blow job for six US dollars and a burger from a nearby mcdonalds. tom burst out laughing when she asked about roger's scar (dent) and i think we offended her, so we got in the car and quickly drove back to the hotel.
then we took him home and hung onto him for a about a year. he did some odd chores around the apartment, and entertained guests when we had get-togethers. during his time with us, roger accompanied us to niagra falls, and to the top of the CN tower. they let him go up for free - imagine that! we also took him for a ride on the subway, and he met a hobo, a guy on a cell phone, and a lady with a cat who smelled like pee, but had a very cool handbag. he met some japanese tourists, who gladly took pictures of him & their kids with their camera and ours. he also got to meet the token guy, and sit with the conductor/engineer man. tom did most of the talking that time, as our pal was kinda too shy to ask. and i thought we were going to get in trouble. then tom explained to us later that they really don't do that, but this time, it was ok.
another time, we took him to a basketball game. he had to sit in the cheap seats though, as the seats beside ours were already bought. plus, they were expensive. but he was fine with that.
when we went back to california to visit family, we and took him there. he slept in the car most of the way, but we took him to the grand canyon, where he met a lot of people, including whole school bus full of kids, and coincidentally, a couple of senior citizens from saskatchewan. they were from a small town near another city though - not regina.
we also took him to vegas, where he played slots, and made nice with the lady next to him, who one a jackpot after four pulls. even though he was gambling, the waitress refused to serve him any booze. we gave her a really nice tip, but she still said no. then he caught a peepshow. he had some buffet, saw a magic show, talked with guy who had a lot of facial piercings, and toured the strip.
then when we got home, we took him to the zoo. everyone had a good time except my grandma, who was horrified, and humiliated to be with us, because she hates tom, and roger equally. neither of them like her much either.
we took pictures. everywhere we went. perfect strangers were more than delighted to be in them with him. so was every animal at the zoo. not my grandma though - she frowned in every photo.
when we decided there was no way in hell we were going back to saskatchewan, we sent roger back to that address where we found him, with a set of prints from his extended vacation.
it was really hard to find the postal code, because apparently that street was not in the postal code directory at our outlet. we had to ask the lady how to get him home, and she was very helpful - in getting a picture of roger saying goodbye to me and tom, and in pointing out we had probably misspelled the street name and were possibly looking for a different one that closely resembled it. after looking up the address of the hotel, and after comparing similar street names in that area, it all came together. (it had been a while, so we were going from memory here...) then she helped us choose the appropriate container for our friend, which cost nine dollars. for a box. and he cost us 32 dollars to mail to saskatchewan. but it was worth it to get him home. interestingly enough, the post-office lady didn't ask any questions at all, which i was glad for.
we got this idea from an 'urban legend' someone told me and when the opportunity to take roger presented itself, i was reminded of this tale, and sort of acted on impulse.
roger didn't get to travel the world, but i'm sure he brought home pictures of things and places his family had never been. we never heard from him again (we decided it would be best to use a fake return address...) so i hope he got there safely and his family was happy to see him again.
i'd recommend it, in the sense that you can have a really great adventure and talk to a lot of people. i'm not recommending you steal anyone's property though, as that is against the law, and probably very confusing to the people who obviously put a lot of work into making roger. we really didn't have the heart to just ditch him. we thought of taking him back that first time, but we were worried we'd get busted.
now if he were flat, like stanley, this would have been so much easier, but probably not as fun for us. tom has all these pictures in a box somewhere. i should ask him to dig those out (our storage room is creepy - and i didn't pack them, so i have no clue where to start) and i should find a free space on the internet to put them so you guys can see. it's just hilarious.
also, i really hope no one i know comes on this site. because this doesn't leave much room for guesses.
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030604
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