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Edazer or Lygarg whoever you prefer....
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Loneliness... Hmm... Could it be??? I thought I was usually unaffected by it... Since I'm used it so fucking goddamn much... Sorry for the blatant vulgarness, but I woke up today...Maybe just a bit off... I dunno... I RARELY feel depressed due to loneliness, because I don't see a point in sitting there and getting sad about it...
I know I don't deserve anything, and anything I get more than death, is a lot better than I deserve...
I know I don't deserve friends... OR a soulmate... But I really want a soulmate, or whatever you want to call it...
I need to find her fast, if not I probably won't be around much longer...
Eh... Today I woke up, and I figured... I should really just kill myself...
But I always feel that's the easy way out... I also wanted to commit hara-kiri if I ever killed myself...
And I can't find my fucking katana... Goddamnit..
Loneliness....After all these years is it catching up to me?
So, as I was pondering over my ritualistic suicide..
I was thinking... Wow, WOULD anyone actually care for more than a week..
Heh, sadly I couldn't even think of a family member who would...
Let alone a friend.. Don't really have too many of those, maybe not any...
There IS my bassist... But he would definitely be fine without me...
And Ben...
He's a strong kid, he definitely doesn't need me...
Matt... He would care for about half a week...
..Hm....
Don't even know of anyone else... The one love of my life...
Never actually ever loved me...
I'm so fucking pathetic to let it get to me, and make me slightly sad...
How the fuck could someone love me?
They can't, so how did I expect to ever her to love me?
Heh... Pathetic...
Wanting what I don't deserve... A normal life...Friends....
A woman who will love me at least a quarter of the amount that I love her...
Don't see any of that happening, due to the person I used to be...
And the things I used to do...
I was like an abomination of God...
Sorry for the emo-ish rant...
But frankly, I don't give a fuck,
and I'm feeling rather horrible...
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