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hopa
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You do not listen to me. I have tried to be more concise, less concise, louder, quieter, nicer, more direct, less direct. I have tried repeating things. Part of it might be your memory. Maybe you do listen. You just also forget.
It doesn't matter.
This is what matters:
You do not show that you like me. I do not feel appreciated.
-I am worthy of being LIKED. I am also entitled to some appreciation. I work more than you do and I do 80% of the work associated with raising our child. You do not do any housework.
Taking care of these responsibilities gets me a little stressed out. I work, but I don't make enough money. It worries me.
I know, I said I'd cut you some slack because you were going to school. You are skipping school. I find it really hard to believe that you are getting a B or better in any class, and you didn't deny it when I assumed you were getting shitty grades, so...
.
So, why am I still cutting you slack?
.
Because I love you? Because I want to be loved back? Because I want to be appreciated? Well, that isn't working.
So, okay, lets forget the whole feeling-appreciated-or-loved-or-cared-about thing. Putting that aside, we get along. We have similar interests, we make each other laugh, we have intelligent conversations, go out and do fun things together. You have the car, so you're always inviting me along to go hiking or to a party or something. Wait, no you're not. You do have the car though. I kind of need that to survive comfortably...with the kid and all. Oh. and we also do not share similar interests, have interesting conversations, make each other laugh...
But, that passion!
no, wait. That isn't there either. I've so strongly associated sex with pain (early on) and/or disgust (your breath) that I feel like...I just don't know if I'll ever enjoy sex again. With you or anyone after you. Because it looks like there will be an 'after you'. I just grit my teeth and kind of deal with it so that you won't explode from sexual frustration. God, how do you think I feel? and then to feel so fucking UNLIKED because you prefer the computer with your fucking headphones on so you don't have to hear me accidentally (or your daughter).
Maybe you do feel like you appreciate me and show it. Or you DO like me. But the point is that I do not feel it, and I don't want to live like this.
You can change. If you don't want to change, I don't want you. Its your choice.
I love you. I know you love me. We had good years, I think. But it is beginning to end.
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081101
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