blather
left_of_center_out_of_focus
birdmad i woke up with a strange feeling inside my head and have spent the day milling about through the office wondering if maybe i'm dead and my ghost didn't know any better than to show up to work.

lit the cigarette out in the breezeway and as a delivery truck drove through and dragged the smoke in its wake i watchedit twist and curl as it dissipated

dry bougainvilleia petals, bright, magenta but still quite dead swirled in the thermal that rose from the sunny patch of concrete. i needed a cup of coffee.

hours spent entering data, tracking down contracts and addenda, supervising the temps and a few minutes here and there doing nothing, aimlessly.

as i prepare to shut down for the night and go home, i look at my recollection of today as i perceived it and for some reason it seems (in sort of a good way) like the handiwork of a drunken cinematographer

a host of little things buried in the mundane details.
011205
...
unhinged funny how when i thought everything was right it was
and when i started to hate everything i began to see why i don't really have any friends
the standard response to the standard question becoming a preprogrammed excuse for the fact that i don't ever want to find what i'm looking for
and he says i spend my life getting back at him (well he didn't actually SAY that...i wouldn't want to misquote him)
ha....
i spend my life getting back at myself
011205