|
perfectly_chaotic
|
When I was a child my parents taught me that it was wrong to fight so I did not. They told me to stand up for myself and never explained how to do so. When my sister was being picked on one day in grade school my parents told me I should stand up for her. I never understood how to stand up for anyone else, or myself, and never thought to ask them what they meant.
One result of this was that I was beat up alot as a child. I developed an irrational and unhealthy fear of people. What many would have considered good-natured ribbing destroyed me inside.
After years of hiding from the world, I became lonely. I believe this is what made alcohol/drugs so appealing to me: the temporary relief of an irrational fear which allowed me to fool myself into thinking that since I was surrounded by people that I was not lonely. I used substances as a tool to battle my fear/loneliness/depression/anxiety.
It was like using a screw-driver to try and tear down the brick walls of the room I was dwelling in, but had I bothered to just look noticed that there was always an open door right next to me.
|
110705
|
