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Toxic_Kisses
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So I called him a few days ago.
no
actually what I did was round up a bunch of open ended questions from the web, then came up with a list that should of been a school prompt of "What I Did This Summer" except more along the lines of "what I've done since the last time we talked". I actually put that off for a whole day bc I doubted I could actually come up with anything to put down, but the next day I sat my ass down and forced myself to write a list.
Turns out I surprised myself, apparently I have actually done more then just sit on my ass and watch DVR or alternately sit on my ass and waist time fucking around on the interwebs. Gardening, skating around the neighborhood, exploring houses in the mist of being built (why are all bedrooms so small nowadays? I lived in apartments that had bigger bedrooms.) I've got more written on the list but "Dear Diary" can wait. Yea none of it particularly epic but more then I'd originally thought I would come up with so that was sort of of nice.
So after talking to myself in the mirror repeating the open questions and pre-prepared topics about 3 or 4 times I ~finely~ call him.
and
things actually went well! I feel like "why the fuck was I so freaked out and making such a big deal over this?" now, I can be such a drama queen sometime, but I'm glad that I did all the prep work before calling bc he kept trying to steer the conversation towards depressing stuff, which considering what his life is right now it's understandable and I don't much blame him, but I was able to change the subject of our conversation easily bc of my prep work so I was rather happy about that, yea it felt pretty damn good to know that I was the one in control of where the conversation was going for a change as apposed to fretting over the usual "I have nothing to say" bs.
So thankfully the call went better then planed and I no longer dread having to call him, which feels really good. However after writing the list I did to make the call I realized I've really got to get my shit together. I've made a list of "to do" (I don't like calling them "Goals" bc that sounds like something a cheesy motivational speaker would call them) Now that I have my freedom back and I'm no longer rapunzeled any more I can finely start living which is pretty damn exciting, well kind of scarey, but mostly exciting. Started saving for a car when I got here, but that's still going to take awhile, eather way though theirs still quite a bit I can get done with out one so even though not having some wheels sucks I'm relatively ok with it.
I don't know how this will effect me being at blather, but truth be told mostly I've just been reading so my being here wasent really that noticeable anyway, which is actually preferable so yea things are actually looking up and I'm even feeling a bit optimistic.
I didn't pre-write this so theirs no doubt mistakes but even when I do pre-write stuff I'll read it later and still find stuff I don't like or would of altered in one way or another so fuck it *shrugs*
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