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imaginings_of_self_annihilation
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blather dummy 11298
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some more mundane: a high leap, spine and skull going crunch, a neck-snapping rope. others with more vision: a katana poised in some tightly wound contraption, unleashing its potential energy, separating mind and body. or a five foot by ten foot, one inch thick steel plate (the kind that keeps your car on the road), standing on end then swinging down like the clapperboard in the final scene of my life, crushing me like a grape.
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160707
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unhinged
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mine are more simple. like if i develop cancer i won't seek treatment. or the genetic defect in my mom's family collapsing me dead on the bathroom floor while my roommate is out of town and he comes back to a stinky body.
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160707
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flowerock.
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Taking the bulb out of one of my tail lights, apparently.
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160708
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epitome of incomprehensibility
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A 2012 thought, walking over a highway bridge and having a sudden urge to throw my laptop bag over the edge. Interior monologue: "No, that's suicidal."
(My mind is usually too distracted to be depressed, but that summer was close. I kept sending cheery emails. It was disconcerting.)
I have a new computer now but the same computer bag, which means something about regeneration.
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160709
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xelda
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I never cared much about the specifics about how exactly I would end. I only wished that it would be swift and minimally painful to anyone still alive who might care.
Now that I know I couldn't leave without destroying too much, I dream of temporary and timeless vacations to the moon. If everything could just stop while I was gone, and I could have a break... noiseless...cold...quiet...low light...it sometimes sounds like a tremendous relief.
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160709
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