i_owe_some_amends
perfectly_chaotic
I
have
discovered
why
it
is
that
I
was
so
attached
to
you
and
allowed
that
impermanence
to
hurt
me
.
You
were
the
first
woman
I
ever
really
cared
for
.
All
the
rest
before
you
did
not
matter
to
me
.
Most
of
those
women
I
either
did
not
even
like
or
was
not
attracted
to
.
Many
of
the
women
I
have
slept
with
I
downright loathed
and
despised
.
I
had
self
-esteem
issues
which
did
not
want
me
to
feel
alone
.
My
sense
of
self
-worth
came
from
the
act
of
sleeping
with
them
or
from
dating
them
,
but
at
the
same
time
I
hated
them
and
felt
I
was
too
good
for
them
.
I
was
shallow
and
vain
;
I
thought
they
were
too
fat
,
ugly
or
stupid
.
Otherwise
I
was
simply
using
them
to
enable
my
myriad
addictions
.
You
were
the
first
who
I
genuinely
cared
for
and
liked
.
Naturally
my
self
-esteem
told
me
you
were
too
good
for
me
.
Everything
felt
magical
.
The
idea
that
you
may
have
felt
about
me
the
way
I
felt
about
those
other
women
was
devastating.
When
that
shiny
,
new
glass
feeling
hit
the
floor
and
we
shattered
into
shards
I
did
not
handle
it
well
.
It
seems
like
I
have
a
fair
amount
of
amends
to
make
.
110926
...
unhinged
at
first
read
,
this
blathe
really
creeped
me
out
.
after
his
phone
call
and
voicemail
last
week
saying
he
wanted
to
make
amends
,
knowing
he
knows
about
blather
,
and
then
those
words
that
were
almost
too
good
to
be
true
...
shoulda_known
they
had
nothing
to
do
with
me
but
they
are
exactly
what
I
wanted
him
to
say
,
so
I'm
gonna
pretend
that
you
are
him
p_c
and
let
those
words
you
meant
for
some
other
girl
heal
my
heart
and
let_it_all_go
110926
