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trixie
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Smile babe, it's life
it's
show
biz
kid
biz
I think I'd rather die than spend the time working on my resume
and smiling for you jerks
But If I see you
I'll run
Never happened
Wasn't me
i came from cali
went around
got a gig
here I am
That's the story
nothing else
not you, for sure
and not a pair or little heals and purple eye shadow and not 107 pounds
and not a thong
not a tounge
never cheap
no not me
i've trained
man i've worked
I didn't live in my life or smile in my face
all for you
and all for this
It ain't gonna happen
Too fat
Too ugly
Too stupid
Too smart
Too me
Too now
Too wrong
You fucked me because you couldn't hire me
Haha, that's all it is
Why would you screw with potential?
Potential is money.
Shit is a good fuck none the less, and what's 20 bucks on drinks and an hour on ego? A fuck is a fuck.
Now,
maybe my head is swimming in wine and stories and humilliation and awe but i know what i know and you know a lot too and you wouldn't have hurt someone that was going to work.
I know they'll all say you're better don't buy in but this was the test and i know now that I'm still here because no one sees me as anything other than a shit to jerk around and get money from because i have naive and gullible stamped on my ass.
why did this have to happen?
I'm losing my gem every second and i wont be creative for much longer
goodbye self
goodbye gift
it's just not wanted
im sorry i lead you on
this doesn't happen to good people
those people go home and go to sleep and are not robbed and are not used and wake up the next day and smile and know
i dont know
ive never known
i could only hope
but there are a million other me's and
well
im sick of it
i just am
this can't happen
too young
too good
it's too much
i just wanted to be able to dance and make people laugh and have a really good time
thats it i really swear
no money
i dont care
i dont
id give it all away
to people who really need it because they cant do what they want
i just want to make people laugh
and laugh with them
and make them happy
and feel for once
and have a really good time
i dont want to be a star
stars fall
and get burned
i want to just do that
just be good
it's all i wanted
thats it
and i dont know why this happened
i thought if i was good and had good intentions good things would happen
it's not harmless fun to me
it's not fun
it can't be fun to me
i like friends
and im worth it
but you dont care
i made you laugh
but i dont know
you were laughing at me
a joke
in heels
thats not it
not to me
i can't a simply cannot
i know i'm throwing years away
and tears
and missed dances and friends
and lives
but ill miss more of myself if i gain you and let you become me.
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030918
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