i_am_crumbling
perfectly_chaotic
Kudos
to
you
Holden
Caulfield...
I
am
starting
to
understand
that
it
would
be
easier
just
to
not
know
anybody
...
Not
so
much
in
the
sense
that
you
will
inevitably
end
up
missing
them
(though
that
is
the
case
in
even
the
most
fucked
up
situations
),
but
that
they
will
eventually
hurt
you
...
She
is
trying
to
push
me
away
again
...
My
angel
with
the
broken
wings
...
The
one
who
made
me
feel
like
a
person
again
...
Made
me
feel
...
Oh
,
why
did
she
have
to
do
that
...
Why
did
I
have
to
let
her
...
Too
late
now
though
,
I
already
care
...
Now
she
want
to
pluck
her
feathers
and
strangle
herself
with
her
halo
...
Won't
leave
me
...
Says
I
should
leave
her
...
I
can't
...
won't
...
maybe
she
is
right
...
maybe
I
am
a
moron
for
staying
...
but
I
love
her
...
even
when
she
talks
about
self
-destructing...
Even
when
she
says
I
gave
her
the
idea
that
narcotics(I've
not
touched
them
in
many
years
)
could
stop
her
from
feeling
and
my
heart
is
crumbling
like
loose
dirt
into
the
wind
I
still
love
her
...
Somehow
I
want
to
wait
for
her
if
she
falls
apart
even
though
it
seems
foolish
...
Somehow
I
think
she
is
going
to
break
me
and
I
think
I
am
going
to
let
it
happen
...
Maybe
some
part
of
me
wants
to
be
broken
...
I'm
not
sure
...
But
it
would
have
been
easier
not
to
have
met
her
...
But
then
again
I
felt
somewhat
dead
inside
before
I
did
...
I
totally
get
it
Holden
...
141219
...
unhinged
all
i
have
to
hold
me
together
:
work
141219
...
perfectly_chaotic
after
we
make
love
she
says
it
feels
as
if
all
of
the
hurtful
things
she
says
and
felt
were
not
even
real
...
acts
as
though
it
never
happens
...
says
that
she
feels
like
she
was
not
herself
when
it
did
and
can
barely
remember
it
...
I
remember
all
to
clearly
...
cannot
make
myself
forget
or
purposefully
ignore
as
I
would
have
in
my
younger
days
...
people
get
hurt
when
I
willfully
pretend
things
did
not
happen
and
they
did
...
I
have
hurt
people
and
in
doing
so
have
hurt
myself
...
she
sleeps
in
the
next
room
...
I
blather
on
about
the
things
I
am
afraid
to
say
because
I
do
not
want
to
trigger
another
episode
...
when
she
wakes
up
I
hope
to
just
enjoy
the
gift
of
the
precious
time
we
do
get
together
...
but
I
am
afraid
...
141220
...
unhinged
(
i
used
to
do
that
too
;
ignore
the
hurt
because
i
didn't
want
to
ruin
the
time
i
did
get
with
the
people
i
loved
,
no
matter
how
they
shit
on
me
.
now
,
i
don't
spend
time
with
people
that
shit
on
me
.)
141220
