blather
hope_killer
dafremen I am the killer of hope. I am the destroyer of dreams. I am he who speaks with a leaden tongue and sliced words that suck the optimism from you. I am the caretaker of disappointment. I'm the careless hand. A clenched fist that pounds on doors that aren't doors at all but faces, hearts and self-esteems.

I am the death of you. I am the stench in me. I am lost beyond finding, I have long since wandered off the trail and headlong into detached insanity.
111220
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unhinged a minimum_wage job at a higher end department store

liver cancer

living 1700 miles away from the person you love



funny though, i can remember at least two times today i saw enough beauty in the world to let my teeth come out in a real smile
111222
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daf I believe we're on speaking terms again, although he keeps doing the mental equivalent of turning up the stereo in his room full blast so he doesn't have to hear me.

But I'm being patient this time. He is scared, he is confused, and he is STRONG..so in the end he can be dangerous..deadly. But in the core of it, there's a little boy asked to protect the weak who found weakness where he was and became STRONG to defend himself. A loyal child who would knock a friend from the path of a speeding train despite any insistence that there is no train..and lose the friend forever, just to see them safe.

He's an honest guy. He used to be a trusting guy, but we all know how that goes...and goes away.

But I believe that for the first time in 8 years, we're finally communicating again. This time, I won't be so hard on him. This time, I'll be more forgiving. This time, I'll make allowances for his conditioning, for the mistrust of me brought on by his apparent annihilation by my hand.

This time we're partners in this thing. This time no one pulls, no one pushes, we walk side by side..and he will be comforted along the way.

This time no one holds the reains. This time there are no reins. This time the donkey walk willingly to the pasture; knowing it now not as prison..but as home.
111222