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lostgirl
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so, my mom fell and badly broke her hip the other day. she is active and healthy for the most part, and has not been hospitalized in 44 years since she delivered my brother. my parents live in a retirement community in south carolina. all they do is play, and during a "trial" run in the square dancing club, the unfortunate fall happened.
how bad is your luck if you fall when you are dancing and break your goddamn hip?
everything_happens_for_a_reason
she had a total hip replacement, and for all she has been through in the past three days, a full recovery looks promising.
so i was waiting in the lounge early this morning while the therapists got her up for the first time. i heard my mother's scream of pain from that far away, and i felt myself cringe reflexively.
my mom never screams. she would rather be unconscious or dead than let someone see her in a weakened state.
there was a strangely dressed african american family sitting next to me that i barely acknowledged. the woman literally right next to me heard the scream too.
"that your mama, girl?"
'yes'
"she gonna be fine girl...so you just go 'head 'n relax now."
my eyes must have told her a story.
she returned my gaze with the most intense black eyes i have ever seen. the wisdom contained in them was so visible and palpable that all i could consider was that she was accepting intense pain that wasn't hers, and letting it go.
she fiddled with her massive mane of braids that were intricately wrapped in a plain white but elaborately woven gauze headdress, and she closed her eyes. she touched the glass beads around her neck deliberately.
she breathed deep and exhaled loudly.
she opened her eyes and looked through my own like she was searching my soul. it was so weird. eerie. she said, "whatever you be holding on to that you shouldn't be ain't gonna let you be til you let it go, girl."
and then she stood up and gathered her skirts, adjusted her headdress, and disappeared into the elevator.
what did this magical woman see?
does it even matter? she's right.
and_so, i'm letting go.
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