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to place blame is quite normal, they said, just not always on yourself. because really, what could you have done? you could not repair or replace the cancer that sinuously wound its way through the body of your loved ones, you could not have healed them nor stave off their passing any longer...
but don't you see?? i was one of the few people whose mere presence could have made the horrid passing more bearable - not easier, but perhaps they could have gone with lighter hearts with one last affirmation of my love for them and one last touch. human contact which was so often held back so as to not disrupt the machine readings or their much needed sleep - but don't you realise that would have helped so much more than all those damn medications you pumped into them??
but i was not there at the end for those who had always been there for me. i did not comfort them in their last breaths nor whisper words of love for their dying ears to hear. i was not there to let them know they were constantly in my thoughts (and prayers, because then i still prayed). they died, not with my presence, as i was too busy living.
o to change that now!!
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