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grammar can be silly
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you're not stupid; the cerebral approach to grammar is. allow me to demonstrate:
- CLASSROOM VIGNETTE THING -
GRAMMAR TEACHER GUY:
i've assembled a very special chunk of guests for you all to do my job for me this afternoon. since the topic is grammar, and the way it is taught will teach you nothing (especially if you can't write well already), i thought i'd let you take your eventual frustration out on someone else. class, i present to you...a superlative!
SUPERLATIVE:
hey.
GRAMMAR TEACHER GUY:
a clause!
CLAUSE:
yo.
GRAMMAR TEACHER GUY:
and, last but not least, a reflexive!
REFLEXIVE:
(( flips off the class ))
GRAMMAR TEACHER:
uh...you'll have to excuse him. he's got some teen angst issues to work through. anyway, take it away, guys.
SUPERLATIVE:
right. so. whaddaya wanna know?
INQUISITIVE FEMALE STUDENT:
what do you do? i mean, what are you for? you know, stuff like that.
CLAUSE:
i'll field that one, if you don't mind. the word "superlative" is often used in a complimentary way to demonstrate the superiority of something. for example, one might say "blood on the tracks" is the superlative bob dylan album of the 70's, since it was mostly way downhill after that for a long-ass time. though "desire" has some good shit on it.
SUPERLATIVE:
"romance in durango" always makes me feel happy. but "sara"'s got nothing on "sad-eyed lady of the lowlands". that song's fuckin' killer.
INQUISITIVE FEMALE STUDENT:
that's all very nice, but what do you do grammatically?
SUPERLATIVE:
hell if i know. i just dig dylan.
STONER GUY:
cool, man. dylan's the shit. i got a question for reflexive. what do you do, dude? i mean...what's your raison d'etre?
REFLEXIVE:
for every shitty action film with a convoluted plot there's a shitty romantic comedy with a convoluted plot. i sit in one of the back rows of the theater and talk shit about all of them.
STONER:
right on!
REFLEXIVE:
and "time out of mind" is the last thing dylan did that was worth my time. even if his voice is shot, it suits the music.
SUPERLATIVE:
what about "love and theft"?
REFLEXIVE:
i can't stand the fucking moustache.
INQUISITIVE FEMALE STUDENT:
you've been rather quiet, clause. could you talk a bit about what you do?
CLAUSE:
basically, i just follow these guys around, stand next to them and get them laid.
INQUISITIVE FEMALE STUDENT:
that sounds demeaning.
CLAUSE:
well, there are fringe benefits. i mean, i get laid too. sometimes. and i get paid ten bucks an hour.
STONER GUY:
fuck! you rule!
GRAMMAR TEACHER GUY:
i realize you're all enjoying yourselves, but i'm going to have to cut this short before too much blather space is wasted.
STONER GUY:
yeah! i'm leaving to smoke a fatty.
- end -
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