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girl_with_the_elfin_face
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pete
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a
she stood in her reflection, smiling slightly to her self, hair whipping about around her, framing her calm face in a radiance as the first drops fell.
i saw her from the bus, the wind whispered her name as we passed. she looked up, smiling, disappearing in the face of time.
b
we walked home each night. past my apartment, and down the road to her house. time passed in a vacuum.
c
midnight rains in late november came to take the connection away. our glasses fogged as we shared an umbrella, talking of religion and other wonderful things. the intensity of her eyes was fading. that was our last goodbye.
d
midnight_wanderings knee deep in snow, just trying to get lost and freeze the memory from my mind. mumbling i walked around the lake, exploring winter's domain. her name echoed in the night, though it remained unspoken.
e
the summer came and melted what november brought. silence flowered in the night skies. one lost friend became two newfound attractions. her eyes glowed again, determined and distant. the summer faded in its glory. we were lost, apart, looking the other way as we said hello, looking at the third. smiling all along, a family we were.
f
frozen december nights came and went. old thoughts resurrected from their flowered grave as i walked the snowy streets talking to another. i heard gossip that carried my name, not recongizing what was said. it passed through me and took part of my mind with it. frozen december nights staring at the moon wondering what she was to say as the day began again in emptiness
g
off became on, again, in that casual cyclical friendship way. the music flowed both ways, the cds were cut and exchanged. we talked of times when we were at our worst, drunk and high wandering the parks the summer before. we laughed and avoided those months between, returning to the day before, hearing gossip with our names in it.
h
her eyes still glow. she stood looking over the bridge, recongizing the land, talking of growing up. we crossed both bodies, canal then river, and looked to the trees. at her insistance we stayed on the road, our voices turning to music, our eyes to the stars, our hearts to the wind.
i
she's gone, for a year, her voice echoes, her face shines, her hair is radiance. the strolls and chats all put on hold, we wait barely thinking of eachother.
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050823
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pete
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j
an invitation to france, a holiday where my poor french skills would be useless--anglocized quebecois meets parisian eloquence. no music lines up, but the thought and the smiles, though dulled by the circumstances, glow in my mind. an invitation to france, a dance in the land of dreams.
she left her hometown three years after i left mine. to live as herself, away from her parents, and then to return and finish school. i can't see her eyes, but her intensity lives in my memory. singing and humming and rocking and laughing, moments and silences. an invitation to france.
i had to say maybe.
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050824
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egger
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watches
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050824
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pete
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k
the stones show had started across the canal on the far side of the stadium. three of us walked down the hill, two of us talking of other days.
our eyes caught the stucco house and our words shaped themselves around it, turning to her. she loathes stucco, and in that our thoughts turn to her when we think of it, or see it displayed outright, such as this.
he kept walking in silence as we talked. he radiated an uncomfortable politeness. i was a stranger to him, and a subtle possession passed between the two. i ignored it and remembered the walks from two years before, when this heartfire was first kindled.
l
we sat on the hill before the canal, watching the lights play out as one crowd pleaser after another was blasted out close to a kilometre away by the rolling stones, their first show in the city for forty years. its not that i didn't enjoy it, but more like i did not belong their. my eyes kept wandering the stars, and they were sad, oppressed by the rock giants.
i looked for mars, for orion, for the first star i saw that night. they were all dim, hidden, lost to me. i focused my thoughts on the midway, filling the space between the stadium and the far side of the canal. i remembered the fair in my hometown, a faint nostalgia grew.
in the same way that the contours of lindsay came before me, this enlarged imitation brought her to mind again. beside me the two were acting as a couple, though she was clearly uncomfortable and he was as if high--though he claimed not to do any drugs. i put them aside and let my mind wander.
last summer a few metres to my right i met her and a friend, we were going to a party across the road, but first we sat and made music at the top of that hill, letting the canal set the mood, and the smoke fill the air so casually. everything moulded around itself.
in memory i smiled, in life a looked up to the stars, saddened by their faint light, smiling none the less, knowing that this was a sacred spot for more reasons than i could recount.
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050831
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chuckles
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dream dream dream
god it is a safe, wonderful place. but where does it ever get us? i've come to this time where i realise there ain't no point in living in my head.
new things new things.
that's what i need. grab it by the balls.
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050831
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